Collective Vision by Alex Gray (1995) – AlexGray.com
On September 8th, 2014, I found myself having a lucid dream.
The dream was evidently orchestrated by some intelligence higher than my own, as I unexpectedly met the group-entity popularly known as “Michael” whose teachings I have been following for the last 15 years or so.
They then proceeded to give me a spiritual initiation — an energetic jump-start known in Hinduism as shaktipat.
At that moment I experienced full-on self-realisation and Kundalini awakening, and my life was transformed.
Immediately after that moment:
- My painful and debilitating state of chronic fatigue (CFS/ME), which had plagued me every day for the last six years and four months vanished in an instant.
- My body transformed from being sick and run-down to being fit, healthy and buzzing with vitality.
- My mind became a still, quiet pool of interconnected concepts and memories, available when needed, but otherwise without thought.
- My awareness became an open field, and expanded far beyond my sensory limitations.
- My actions became automatically competent, executed masterfully.
- I somehow “just knew” what to say to others to bring them into clarity.
- My shyness and self-doubts disappeared altogether.
- I transformed from an anxious introvert into a super-confident extravert.
- My everyday personality gave way to a higher Self that was still essentially me, only more so — me without anxiety, me without hiding, me without pretence, just the full power of my presence.
And since then?
Well, so much has happened … it is almost beyond belief. It is an amazing story, and I don’t think it is possible to do the story justice without giving the context of my life history leading up to it. So I will, inevitably, be writing an autobiographical book.
Nevertheless, it feels appropriate — as a sort of integration exercise — that I try to find words to briefly recount and explain the key events and experiences in a more encapsulated form. So here goes.
30 Days and 2 Nights
After that first awakening, I spent an entire month with Kundalini energy raging through me and around me.
I was in a constant altered state, or rather a variety of altered states, giving me insight after insight, inspiration after inspiration, and the utmost joy, love, bliss and peace.
It wasn’t all fun and games, however. As another experiencer of sudden Kundalini awakening has written:
No one gets a free ride. The opening may be brilliant, transcendent even. But there will be times of balancing and integration, periods of pain and despair, as one attempts to deal with these unfamiliar energies now infusing ones system, one day mounting into bliss, the next plunging into some kind of pain.
— Dorothy Walters PhD,
Several times an hour I would find myself doing or saying something and would then feel compelled stop to figure which aspect of me had made it happen — the new flow of energy into super-consciousness, or my old personality? Any lack of clarity would impede the flow.
At times the energy was so intense that I was hyperactive and manic. I was having profound insights and revelations faster than I could say them, thought that didn’t stop me from trying, blurting out random gems of wisdom to strangers in the street. And I was exploding with wild enthusiasm, delight and laughter, seemingly over every little thing in every moment.
For my family, at times it was just a bit too much of “me” all at once.
And then: at around 4 AM on October 8th, 2014, I found myself having a second lucid dream.
It was exactly 30 days since that first lucid dreaming / awakening experience.
This time, I found myself being drawn or ushered to the very centre of the universe, the eye of the cosmos, the throbbing Source of creation, the Tao itself, the heart and soul of all-that-is. And then I experienced ecstatic communion with it.
In this state of communion, not only did I receive the answers to every question I have ever wondered about the nature of self, the meaning of life, the origins of the universe, the purpose of our existence, etc … I also became one with the Source, repeatedly.
Or to put it more precisely, I knew myself to be both creator and created at the same time, and I was able to switch between both perspectives at will.
I also realised how creation works, and why it is so.
Frankly, it was almost too much.
Tea and Toast
As far as my mystified family were concerned, I was sleepwalking for the first (and hopefully) last time in my life. Apparently, while having this lucid dream of communion with the Source, I had got out of bed, left the bedroom, opened the linen closet, shouted a few things, and then tried to go downstairs.
My son recognised that I was sleepwalking (having seen it in an episode of Malcolm in the Middle!). My wife Emma then managed to guide me back to a bedroom where I lay down on the floor.
Ever cautious, Emma considered the possibility that I might be having a psychotic breakdown of some sort. However, I was (apparently) able to respond to her questions with reassuring statements like, “Don’t worry, it’s OK. It’s all good. Just let it happen.”
I have no memory of any of this. My first back-in-the-body conscious experience following my Communion with Source was of lying on the bedroom floor, naked, and being fed tea and toast by Emma.
I was pretty disorientated at first, not quite sure which universe I was in. But at the same time I was in a state of utter peace and happiness. I had received the answer to every question I had ever asked, and I had understood the perfect meaning of each and moment of every life, including my own.
Coming out of the altered state and returning to normality, I felt — and still feel — utter contentment at the prospect of living out the rest of my little, human life. All I want to do is be happy and share that happiness with others.
Since that second lucid dream, just two weeks ago, the volcanic explosion of Kundalini has paused. It’s more like a slow lava flow. I still have a super-normal amount of energy and my body, mind and personality are still feeling fresh, clear and brand new, as though I had, quite literally, been born again. But the crazy, manic tendency has largely subsided.
All is Well …
As I write this, I am reminded of the great medieval English mystic known as Julian of Norwich (1342–1416).
England in the 14th Century was practically a post-Apocalytpic wasteland devastated by plague, famine and poverty. The Black Death had wiped out half of the population.
Julian  was probably a widow. And for years she had prayed for a fatal illness that would take her away too. However, her death-wish was not simply a desire to escape a world of pain. Rather, being a seeker of high integrity and self-honesty, she wanted to die fully conscious and with a full understanding of the meaning of life — including the divine plan behind this world of pain.
Between the hours of 4 AM and 9 AM on May 8th, 1373 (… what is it with the 8th of the month …?), the 30-year-old Julian’s death-wish finally began to come true thanks to a terrible illness. Well, almost. In fact, she had what we now call a near-death experience. And during this experience, she was given 16 profound insights (or “showings”) into the nature of God, man, Christ, sin, love, and suffering.
Julian not only survived the illness, she went on to live another 43 years as a contemplative recluse. From her hermit’s cell, a tiny outhouse that stood next to the equally tiny Church of St. Julian, in Norwich , she wrote about her experience. Her book, Revelations of Divine Love, is believed to be the first ever English-language book written by a woman. And it translates remarkably well for a modern audience (see the especially new translation by Mirabai Starr).
Of her 13th revelation, Julian writes:
It seemed to me that if there were no such things as sin, we would all be as pure as our Lord created us, reflecting his likeness … But in this showing Jesus gave me all that I needed:
“Sin is inevitable,” he said. “Yet all will be well, and all shall be well, and every kind of thing shall be well.”
 Her true name is lost to history, and it has been assumed that she took the name “Julian” from the little church of St. Julian where she resided, though it is equally possible that Julian/Gillian was her real name.
 The original church of St. Julian of Norwich was an Anglo-Saxon building, with an extension built in the Norman era. It was destroyed by a German bomb in 1942, then rebuilt in 1953.