Ok, this is pretty phenomenal. And I don’t often say that when it’s just about me.
Some of you will know my recent history. I have been badly troubled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / M.E. since 2008. It’s a massive depletion of energy, which I’ve described as feeling like a frail 90-year-old with a bad dose of ‘flu.*
*If you want to know more, see my About page.
I had really feared that this was a permanent condition from which I would never recover. It has had a dramatic effect on my life, my work, my family, my income. Also my ability to run this website. It has severely dented my sense of worth as a person, an employee, a man, a father, and a husband.
Around 2am on the morning of Monday 8th September, 2014, I had a very lucid (conscious) dream. I was conscious enough to know that it wasn’t “just a dream”. Something was happening to me.
At first I was just having some fun, flying around with others, while these higher-intelligence beings gradually came towards me. I think I was being given time to recognise that I was actually in the presence of Michael, time for it to sink into my conscious awareness without causing me to wake up in surprise.
There are said to be precisely 1,050 souls in the collective intelligence known as “Michael”, a mixture of Kings
. As far as I could tell, though, I was interacting with just a small group of them, between five and ten. Nevertheless, I could tell by the quality of their power that they were definitely Warriors / Kings with a masterful, no-nonsense presence.
And then, as soon as I realised this … there was a solemn moment in which one representative of the group gave me a shaktipat initiation*.
*Shaktipat is a transfer of spiritual energy given by a teacher to a student. It instantly awakens the student’s higher consciousness.
With that, I immediately had a spiritual awakening: I experienced myself as my whole Self, perfect and devoid of the ego/mind/personality limitations of the everyday me, “Barry”.
I knew myself, and I still know myself, to be a wonderful, radiant being of great love and great power, utterly and uniquely myself without a shred of fear or doubt.
And while still in this state of Self-realisation I woke up fully. (It seemed to be the right thing to do.) As I did so, I had a massive kundalini experience.*
*Kundalini is a transformative power residing within a person’s subtle body, around the base of the spine. When released or awakened, it unleashes an explosion of spiritual energy rising up the body to the crown of the head. The experience is ecstatic, blissful and profound.
The full monty! Glorious energy surging up my spine to the top of my head. An eternity of ecstasy in a moment of perfection that may have lasted seconds, minutes or hours (I really don’t know!).
Since then I have been on a steady emotional high, frequently in a state of ecstasy, super-energised, and with absolutely no trace of fatigue, chronic or otherwise!
At first I was wary of getting my hopes up. Now, however, I am confident that I am transformed.
On Wednesday I wrote an email to some of my closest friends:
I am in a state of gentle, enduring bliss. Not feeling it when I first wake up in the morning, but as the day progresses it gradually returns, such that by bed-time I’m high as a kite, buzzing with energy, semi-detached from ego and personality. So in order to sleep I have to take something to knock myself out (which is probably why I feel nothing when I wake up).
Last evening, I found that communicating what I’m experiencing amplifies it, to the point that the world glows with a golden hue, and I feel very calm, open, contented, and energised – like I could run a marathon and play drums at the same time.
I have been able to observe how I normally identify with the Barry-character I “play” in everyday life, with all his neuroses and narrative and so on. But at the same time I can experience myself as this bigger, more powerful “me”, which I can sense as a sort of transparent envelope or sheath, as thick as a duvet, surrounding my physical body, fizzing with blissful energy.
Generally I am oscillating between the two versions of myself, though when I am absorbed in a task, like work or housekeeping, I am not particularly aware of either. I had wondered if that would cause me to lose focus on the bigger me and return to the “little me” just out of habit. What I find, though, is that if I simply relax “backwards” into myself, rather than anxiously “lean forwards” to monitor/control myself, my appearance and behaviour, as I usually would, then the bigger me with all the energy and calmness is right there.
Thus far the energy flow seems very steady and surprisingly easy to access even after ignoring it for a few hours. I have also found that every now and then, after a period of intense activity or distraction, I just want to be still, silent, sit upright and think of nothing. So without even trying I am naturally meditating, precisely when the energy wants me to. I also notice I am walking with a very upright posture, which the energy clearly prefers.
I don’t know how long this is going to last, but somehow I also don’t care. If it ends in the next second, it will already have been enough for one life.
It also feels like this episode is the culmination point of numerous crises, insights and synchronicities that have been going on for the last few months. Far too much to describe in this single post, so I will be back with more updates.