18 August 2007
Over the last year I have had long phases of being more or less constantly high, alternating with shorter phases of feeling flat and occasionally rough, grouchy and irritable.
My highs are characterised by a wonderful sensation of being charged up internally, as though my cells were all magnetised into alignment. This sense of alignment is particularly marked in my head and face – my skin is stretched smooth, my nerves seem to be tingling with light, and in the vertical core of my entire upper body there seemed to be a constant, exquisite glow.
When high, I am also in a near-constant state of clarity, openness, cheerfulness and optimism. I feel a connection with the universe – the infinite cosmic beauty of light and space. My sense of the vast universe has always held great meaning and value for me, giving me a transcendent perspective that goes way beyond my mundane, individual concerns as a human being. I also want to enlighten others by showing them this higher perspective, and this feels like part of my unique purpose and role. Hence, being high on inner energy means being in alignment with my higher self.
The flat periods appear to be initiated by stress such as overload at work and by my throat operations. What I am calling a flat period is simply what used to be my normal state and is the normal state for most people, characterised by boredom, tiredness and occasional grumpiness.
At this moment I am just beginning to come out of a flat phase (I had an operation three weeks ago) so it is useful and instructive for me to reflect on and observe how I manage to move out of it. I have not been having any of those high sensations for about a month now and I am looking forward to getting back on track!
When I first read and absorbed the Abraham material I was on a particular kind of high – a power high. I was completely centred in me, aware of the life power flowing through me and, by way of my intention, out of me. I was aware of being the source of my own life and the cause of my own state in each moment. I was being fully responsible for myself, with no interest in not being. I was feeling stronger than I have ever known, completely at home in myself, at home in the universe.
I am not feeling this way at the moment and I feel sad at the passing of that wonderful state. I only hope I can get it back.