20 September 2007
A few days ago I was feeling a bit grotty and achy. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while and let my body get its energy back.
Yesterday I was feeling physically much better, though by the end of the day I had niggling back pain and was feeling impatient for a rest. So I wasn’t expecting much out of my evening meditation other than a bit of relaxation. But it turned into one of the most extraordinary meditations I’ve ever had.
I began by lying on the floor to rest my back, but I soon found the position to be uncomfortable—basically, my blood seemed to be pouring into my head, giving me a bursting feeling. Wearily, I sat on my chair and took up my usual meditation position. A sense of inner peace arose surprisingly easily. I’m not sure how I got to the next point, but it occurred to me to ‘offer’ or ‘present’ my inner state of peace to the universe, to the Divine, as though giving it a blank canvas to work on. As I did so, I felt a gentle but extremely potent uprising of fizzy energy into my head and my mind. The twilight of my peaceful state gave way to a lively inner brightness that was gorgeous to feel. The state became gradually more intense, and it felt to me as though the universe were responding to my offering by ‘moving in’. I had a sense of being the vehicle for another force.
My meditation was cut short as my wife arrived home, but the ecstatic open state continued for an hour or so afterwards.
Today I was looking forward to getting back to the same state again in my meditation, but for whatever reason it wasn’t the same. In fact, I had a shocking jabbing pain going downwards from the right side of my neck to the top of my right lung, as though I had been stabbed with a pencil. This pain began in the late afternoon and is still there.
I have found that no one meditation experience is the same. One cannot “try” to achieve a past meditative experience. You have to take it for what its worth at that moment, each is unique and fulfilling in its own way. It helps me a lot with a white noise in the back round, like a fan. Eventually that noise drowns itself sometimes and I feel almost not present in the room, sometimes it doesn’t. Rapid eye movement or muscle twitching can be typical in my experience I try to let any noise or thought just flow in and out of my body like water. Calming my body starting at the top of my head down to my toes is a must until I feel everything is relaxed and might back is neck still feel attentive. I do this by imagining water flowing over me, like standing in a waterfall.Usually I feel very euphoric afterwords and vision feels like it takes a few minutes to adjust again, an odd feeling like vibrating almost. I’ve only meditated about 10 times now, but I felt its purpose the very first time I did it about 6 months ago. That session lasted 45 minutes and was a really intense feeling, like see what you been missing almost welcome back feeling. I recently started again the past couple weeks. 20 to 30 minutes seems good for me right now, and I more or less pop out of it on my own. I am going to incorporate it into my daily life going ahead now, and I am really interested in where it all leads me.