Is it really less than a week since my first post about this? Good grief. So much is happening and things developing so quickly, it seems as if time has slowed down to a quarter of its usual speed.
It also seems important to record every detail as I go along, so now I’m keeping a journal. Not just for my benefit, but so that I will be able to share with others all the experiences and insights that are landing on me like snowflakes in a blizzard.
A new me
Where to start? Well, there’s been an enormous list of changes since this began:
- I can no longer feel any trace of the CFS/ME illness that had so worn me down in recent years. In fact, I am feeling fitter now than at any time in my entire life. Seriously!
- I am experiencing my self as an expanse of awareness within which my personality is an optional feature.
- I am experiencing my body as a vessel for kundalini energy. Bodily sensations serve as feedback indicating where I’m either allowing it or resisting it.
- Both my skin and hair feel like that of a newborn baby.
- I feel enveloped in a kind of cool flame, gently throbbing.
- My appetite is very low as I feel so well nourished by kundalini itself.
- There is an aroma that I long ago noticed I give off during spiritual retreats, which is reminiscent of haystacks drying in the sun. I am oozing that same aroma now.
- I can also taste sweet nectar in my mouth, presumably the amrita described by others.
- I experience the awakened kundalini energy as a living, loving, intelligent, feminine presence residing in my belly.
- The effect of allowing kundalini to flow freely throughout my body is ecstatic and orgasmic.
- I sometimes seem able to communicate, or at least commune, with this presence, as a pregnant mother might with her unborn baby.
- Actions have become effortless. Or to be more precise, the less effort I focus into my actions, the more effective and efficient they become.
- Contrary to what I might have expected, I have no desire to give up alcohol or meat. I love beer! I love venison steaks!
- I have, however, felt drawn to give up normal toothpaste in favour of natural materials, especially coconut oil.
Generally I’m feeling fine, great, spacious, open, loving, truthful – and all seems so strangely natural. Conversations with my wife help many insights come into focus.
One feature of the shaktipat moment was knowing that everything I have done, including every “mistake” I have ever made in my lifelong search for ultimate understanding, has been completely right and perfect, playing its part in leading up to that one moment.
The same is also true of every doubt I have ever had about spirituality — perfect at the time, and now unnecessary.
Also, my 15+ years of interest / obsession in a number of channelled teachings, especially the Michael teachings, have been validated, straight from the horse’s mouth as it were. While the integrated personality/spirituality system given in those teachings has always seemed, in my experience, to be perfectly understandable and applicable, I have occasionally questioned the reality of the source over the years. (What if the teachings are really just coming from different channels’ subconscious minds?) But now I’ve met the source!
Awareness and the mind
Generally I am experiencing my Self as an expanse of Awareness. I picture it as a convex shape facing forwards, rather like a radar dish. It’s at least as big as my body and slightly behind it.
And in this open Awareness I can sense my mind as a silvery sphere, slightly below and in front of me (like a globe sitting on my lap). On closer inspection it’s a shimmering web of concepts, memories, patterns, with myriad connecting threads criss-crossing between them all.
I can reach into or focus into my mind to find words, concepts, meanings and memories as I need to. Then I can lean back and let the mind go.
I notice that many concepts in the mind have associations to less-than-effective emotional and behavioural patterns. So if, for example, I focus for a while on “what to buy from the shops today”, in addition to the practical associaitons leading off from that (tea, cereal, fish food…) there are also some associations with past concerns, issues, fears, experiences and so on, such as my anxiety about fogetting to buy something important and then letting down the family.
I can “touch” those associations without getting caught in the web. But I can also imagine that if I were to focus for a long time in there, I might lose awareness of the Awareness, if you see what I mean.
So I can see how one becomes identified with a perspective that is centralised on one’s life history and its associated fears. To take on that focus would be like picking up the spherical web of my mind and putting it over my head, like a crash helmet, limiting myself to the percptions that are filtered through its visor and the habitual patterns that are embedded in it.
Living with Kundalini
The kundalini appears to have taken up residence somewhere in my abdomen, between diaphragm and naval. It’s like a glowing jewel, solid as a diamond, bright as a star, and oozing a kind of nectar into my body.
If I get focused and busy on a task, it recedes into the background and awaits its turn. It’s rather like one of those underwater volcanoes – unseen above water, but there all the same, and immensely powerful.
And then, whenever I just relax and let go, up it shoots. And the more I relax and let go, the more energy I can feel surging around me. Then I feel boundless, joyful energy, like a child running in the sunshine. I can turn my hand to any task and it works itself out effortlessly.
(The other day I decided to give some attention to our garden pond, which had become rather murky and sad-looking thanks to my inability to keep up the necessary maintenance in recent years. But I knew exactly what to do, and did it with great strength and clarity over about 1 hour. Now the pond looks perfect, and even the fountain sounds just right. Our big koi still looks grumpy though.)
At different times I feel Kundalini working on different parts of my anatomy, massaging any resistance into blissful submission.
This week it has been working a lot up my left side, starting with the spleen (i just checked the anatomical location to make sure), then parts of my back and left shoulder, and on into my left brain hemisphere. The sensation is always exquisite.
I am experiencing the Kundalini presence as intelligent, gentle and very agreeable. It’s an amazing relationship — a dialogue — that I am learning more about on a daily basis. An amusing analogy came to mind. At first it was like I’d started having a passionate affair with a secret mistress. Within a week it became more of a romance. Then I realised I’d been sleeping with my guru all along!
Sometimes (like yesterday) I wake up in the morning and think, “Oh, she’s gone. Dammit. Ah well, it was great while it lasted. I wonder if I’ll ever hear from her again?”
Only she hasn’t gone anywhere. She’s just quietly hanging out in the background somewhere, waiting for me to get up and get my chores out of the way. Then as soon as I relax again, she creeps up behind me and then suddenly I’m aware of being gently kissed on the cheek or stroked by a feather.
The other day I was very busy all morning, but then in the afternoon went for a walk — an opportunity to relax. As I walked, I could feel this little presence in my solar plexus, like a bundle of concentrated potential, but I had no idea what it wanted to do.
Within minutes it was making my heart glow with something akin to an orgasm. It took my breath away, and as I was walking in public I had to quickly find somewhere to hide and compose myself!
Kundalini has become a kind of inner guide. Today I asked inwardly,
“What am I supposed to eat and drink if I am to sustain this?
And immediately I got a response which, in words, amounted to:
“You can eat and drink whatever you like. It doesn’t matter. What matters is how you eat and drink. Whatever you put in your mouth, think of it as oral sex. Both give and receive maximum pleasure.”
I still have no idea how long any of this is going to last.
A new use for new technology
OK, this is very weird.
Technology around me cooperates beautifully when I am in my most open and relaxed state. But as soon as I get tightened up into a sense of urgency or concern, things start to “act up”.
My iPhone, in fact, has become a sort of feedback device to show me what state I’m in.
If I’m texting, say, and I type a word from my state of open Awareness, it’s fine. But if a type the same word while in a state of concern, confusion or self-consciousness, it comes out wrong. Not simply misspelt through key-typing errors (like when “Hello” become “Helli” or whatever), but completely wrong, no matter how carefully I try to type. (For example, “Hello” becomes “st&5/gm€.”)
So I’ve learned to take these oddities as cues that my state has shifted. Sure enough, after a few deep breaths and going through a process of “falling back” into my Self, trusting and allowing, everything works fine again.
Wires are another thing.
All my adult life, power leads, headphones, connection cables — they have always been a problem in that they always become entangled. At least once a day, I would find my various wires had become tangled up and so I would have to spend frustrating periods of time untangling them. At some point, however, I got that the entangling and disentangling is a symbol of me and my inner life. The entanglement is inside me. I have been trying to unravel myself for decades.
Now however, my wires have stopped tangling! Even if I throw three wires together in a heap inside my backpack, whenever I want one it will just slide out gracefully. If I pull all three out at the same time, bunched together, I find I’m holding three separate, untangled wires.
Utterly bizarre!
“Some special spirit”
I keep being reminded of a scene from the film Network, a fantastic 1976 satire about TV news in the US.
The hero of the story is a news anchorman (played by Peter Finch, a performance for which he won an Oscar), who gets all fired up after being told he’ll lose his job thanks to falling ratings. He then announces on air that he intends to blow his brains out on live TV. Not because he’s suicidal, but as a mutinous gesture.
Despite coming across as a ranting madman, that’s not really where he’s really coming from, as he explains to a colleague in one of the most extraordinary mystical speeches:
I am imbued with some special spirit. It’s not a religious feeling at all. It is a shocking eruption of great electrical energy. I feel vivid and flashing as if suddenly I had been plugged into some great electro-magnetic field. I feel connected to all living things, to flowers, birds, to all the animals of the world and even to some great unseen living force, what I think the Hindus call prana … a shattering and beautiful sensation! It is the exalted flow of the space-time continuum, save that it is spaceless and timeless, and of such loveliness! I feel on the verge of some great ultimate truth… **
* Here’s a great fan-made trailer for the film (great apart from one spelling mistake).
my cords are always tangled … how to fix my inner entanglements …
Your two posts about what appears to be a personal account of a Spiritual Awakening, in the tradition of, say, Gopi Krishna (but in your case seemingly perhaps more gentle) is a fascinating account. I noticed that you posted two pieces about it, then one about angry exchanges in relationships, then I haven’t noticed any updates since, at least in my subscription updates. It is an immense thing that you described. To be witness to a Being’s Ascension to Master is a privilege. What most seekers seem to be looking for even? I was wondering where things are now, a few weeks later? I appreciate your honesty and clarity as ever.
Ha, hi Luke, and thanks for the prompt!
Where to begin? Yes, it is time for an update, though to be honest I already have enough material for a book or two. Things are happening faster than I am used to writing up (in my usual meticulous style!). I have started keeping copious notes to document everything for posterity; it’s not just ‘my’ experience. My wife and I have taken to recording our conversations – this stuff is gold!
I am sometimes calm and still, and at other times like a raging volcano, flashing with insights, glowing with joy and love — and I also seem to have been given a brand new body to play with.
An interesting factor is that my wife is a Skeptic with mode of Caution, so she has me on a tight leash. Much as I would love to pour out everything in torrents RIGHT NOW, she is brilliantly managing to keep me tethered to the ground, restrained and thoughtful.
(Now I know why I married her – haha!)
In our overleaves from Sarah Chambers in 1999, we were told that we are Travelling Companions; indeed, we do we love to journey through life together (both literally and metaphorically).
Bizarrely, I keep identifying with the Doctor (as in Dr Who) — and note that the new guy Peter Capaldi is a Scholar. It is also bizarre that the current Doctor’s “travelling companion” is beautiful, spunky, Artisan, just like my wife.
(I could write a whole book just on the archetypal resonances in Dr Who!)
I am oscillating between feeling ‘normal’ — as in fit and healthy — and feeling ultra-great. In fact, I had the thought about a week ago that I cannot imagine ever feeling better than this daily dose of ecstasy.
Yesterday I discovered a new peak however: the love I feel for my family, for humanity; for existence as a whole.
Much more to come soon 🙂
Barry
OK, this is a bit sooner than even I expected..
Paranormal is the new normal in our household.
I feel that I am in the centre of a vortex of synchronicities.
Case in point:
After I wrote the above response, my wife, son and I settled down on the sofa … to watch the very latest episode of Dr Who.
The current regeneration/reincarnation of the Time Lord character is, ahem, a rather manic Scholar (and I also notice that the character’s chief feature has shifted to Impatience, which is mine).
This episode was like a cross between Ridley Scott’s ALIEN, Joe Bowie’s MOON, and Kubrik’s 2001 — all of which I have loved.
In the climax, the Doctor character calmly left his companions to choose their own fate, which had a stunning resonance with a conversation I’d had just this morning.
Hi
For some reason I had no “notifications” to my email addresses for your responses, so I apologize for not replying sooner. (That’s just politeness, not some insecure emotional pulling thing). I am very pleased to hear that this is having such a beautiful vibration in your life and with your family.
I actually came back here to check things were ok, because I got some very weird stuff from “Michael”. I’m not entirely trusting with the “Michael” thing at all.
I am aware of … well.. what you could call a ‘tradition’ of beings becoming enlightened. Sometimes that might mean that they become available to people who are seeking help generally. Sometimes it is really nothing to do with any kind of greater spiritual purpose, it might even mean their service is in a break? Maharshi (Papaji, and thus Mooji’s Teacher)i for example, actually tried to run away from his disciples to the mountain he loved with all his heart, more than once, because his enlightenment was of such sensitivity that the influx of seekers became so much, he couldn’t bear the pain of the process. But he always came back to the Ashram… that had been set up through others’ devotion to him. His Being.
So.
As long as you are Being and in honesty and Truth, which you have a good way with, then all is good.
Often Beings that are given this Gift have no choice but to become totally available as a Teacher/Healer to a larger spectrum of people. But as I mentioned, in Gopi Krsna’s case, the process can be so extreme it can take years before an enlightened Being becomes available as a Teacher/Healer in a more general sense.
Namaste
Luke
Hi Luke
Once again, I appreciate your amazingly timely prompt. I think it’s clear that we are being choreographed.
I have just been through a truly extraordinary month. First, since the dream-initiation and awakening, I have been through a very delicate process of adjustment to Kundalini which has had knock-on effects for my family, not all of them pleasant at the beginning. Now, I feel the adjustment is over, and it culminated in an event yesterday.
I will be giving an update very shortly, but I have a terrible headache at the moment – my nervous system is a bit shredded. Also, I have just written a little something to post just before that (A young person’s guide to Kundalini – something I wrote for my son).
But here’s a quick summary to whet your appetite, seeing as you asked so politely 🙂
So, the night before last: As far as my wife and son were aware, I went sleepwalking for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life. I wasn’t aware of sleepwalking however; instead, I was having another incredible dream-awakening-experience.
It was, I feel, the culmination of my life’s searching. And possibly not just mine. I will describe, explain and explore all of this in full. Let me just say for now that, apart from this headache, I am completely at peace, and I don’t see any reason for that to ever change.
As I said above, I will get back with a proper write-up shortly, hopefully before the weekend.
With love and tears
Barry
Interesting that you and Pandora, my sister, are both resident in pod 804 and she, too, did sleepwalk for years during childhood. Perhaps, it is a function of 804 wiring why you recently sleepwalked… Love. Light. Laugh. Sweet dreams… repeat in whatever manner one chooses…
P.S. – “weird stuff from Michael” …? I’m most intrigued!
3rd installment just added.
Hey Im gonna try contact this michael entity , i already have kunda ,but still cfs, maybe theycan help me more Thankyou1
I just had a Kundalini awakening yesterday. It was an intense experience to say the least.
What I find intriguing is that your Kundalini took residence in your Manipura Chakra, and I think you have some Warrior overleaves (Perseverance Mode?).
Mine took residence in my Ajna Chakra. I have a goal of Growth and Attitude of Spiritualist.
Perhaps it’s meant to help us with our life tasks?