REJECTION is one of seven possible goals in life, chosen by a soul before taking birth. It drives the personality to express its difference and separateness from others.
“I’d rather you hate me for who I am than love me for who I’m not.”
— Kurt Cobain
“A “No” uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
Like Acceptance, the goal of Rejection is an expression goal. It is felt as a desire to express oneself — but with a specific focus on rejecting any requirement to fit in with others or with society in general.
In other words, a personality with the goal of Rejection refuses to go along with the common herd and seeks instead to be true only to himself or herself. Whereas those with Acceptance seek to be loveable social butterflies, those with Rejection seek to be defiant individualists.
The aim, from the soul’s perspective, is to live a life free from the distracting influence of others’ opinions or demands — to develop the ability of being true to oneself regardless of what others think.
This may be chosen by a soul as an antidote to a history of incarnations as a people-pleaser. King souls, for example, might choose Rejection as a life goal when they want to be able to work alone without the usual “entourage”. Sages might choose it if they want to work on something without the usual distractions of pleasing their “audience”.
Having the goal of Rejection
Typical traits: individualist, maverick, misfit, blunt, outspoken, nonconformist, uncompromising, controversial, acerbic, misanthropic
Those with the goal of Rejection tend to be edgy, nonconformist, a lone wolf, a bit of an oddball. They tend to express critical judgements and comments almost constantly, sometimes harshly, sometimes shrewdly. This fault-finding is partly an expression of personal truth and partly a way to put others off so as to maintain a state of social isolation. In the case of someone like Joan Rivers, it can also be the basis of a successful career in stand-up comedy.
Those with the goal of Rejection generally hold strong views on all sorts of subjects, opinions which may be harsh to the point of being repulsive. It’s not that they want to be hated for their opinions exactly — it’s just that they simply do not care whether they are loved or hated. Some may regard relationships as unnecessary distractions, something to be avoided or at least kept at arm’s length.
What they actually want is to express themselves in whatever way sets them apart as being brutally honest individualists, and if doing so offends, then so be it. “I’m going to say whatever I please — screw anyone who doesn’t like it.” Their fondness for criticising others attracts social rejection, and that’s fine by them. They don’t mind isolation and are happy to be in a minority of one.
Rejection: positive and negative poles
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Rejection |
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| Discrimination. Selectiveness. Sophistication. |
Prejudice. Misanthropy. Bigotry. |
With a goal of Rejection it is possible to develop and refine one’s critical acumen to the utmost. In the positive pole, this can manifest as great discernment, perspicacity, intelligent judgement, together with a refreshing lack of concern for the opinions of others. Such people excel at calling a spade a spade when the situation calls for it. They can be like a breath of fresh air.
In the negative pole, Rejection can manifest as prejudice, intolerance, bigotry, misanthropy, misogyny. In other words, a general loathing or contempt expressed towards other people, especially those who are different from oneself — the more different, the more loathsome. The person’s ego enjoys the power of being able to make others squirm with discomfort by loudly expressing unpalatable truths and over-indulging in taboo opinions.
If the positive pole of Rejection can be stated as: “I’ll say anything that is true, even if others hate it;” then the negative pole can be stated as: “I’ll say anything that others hate, even if it’s not true.”
Rejection: some famous examples
One obvious example of a person with this goal is the British TV horse-racing pundit John McCririck — a famously offensive man who says his proudest moment in life was being voted Britain’s most hated celebrity. He is brutally honest with his own opinions and couldn’t care less about what others think of him. He holds strong, right-wing opinions on every possible subject and happily admits to having no friends.
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| OLIVER CROMWELL | HELENA BLAVATSKY |
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| HENRY VIII | BETTE DAVIS |
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| LARRY KING | JOAN RIVERS |
Goal: the driving force of the personality
• Contentment •
Thanks this is great; I definitely connect with this life goal. I appreciate gaining more awareness of how to better conduct myself and I could relate to the negative ego behaviors that I engage in occasionally.
Also, I wonder if resolving the initial rejection pain from the primary caretakers that is experienced by a person with this goal would help to alleviate the negative expression of this trait. Like healing the mother/father rejection of the self as a child.
Hi Andrea
Thanks for the comment. One way to deal with being stuck in the negative pole of a trait is to tap into the positive pole of the opposite trait. This is a kind of rapid mental turnaround we can all do with a bit of attention and self-honesty. It’s not a case of trying to suppress yourself but of getting back in touch with your deeper purpose.
In this case, the opposite trait of Rejection is the goal of Acceptance (to accept and be accepted by others), the positive pole of which is a state of unconditional acceptance, benevolence, love for the greater good. So for example, if you find yourself saying or doing “anything others hate even if it isn’t true,” you need to get in touch with your deeper, underlying *love* of expressing your truth (especially your “No”) for some essentially good purpose, which I’m sure you have. It is this which will bring you into the positives state of expressing “what is true for me, even if others hate it”. You openly reject things which fall short of what you wisely and lovingly consider to be good enough, not just for you but for everyone. You can become a master of wise judgement.
If you feel that you have unresolved issues with parental rejection, and that these are interfering with you ability to function as you would wish, then certainly a bit of therapy or counselling can help. After all, for you it would be an opportunity speak your truth! – to express your unexpressed experiences and emotions. Often in therapy it is simply having the freedom to share unexpressed personal truths that unlocks the psyche, rather than having any dramatic insight.
Hope this helps,
Barry
Unfortunately, I identify with this “goal”. I disagree with your insight about us not caring about what other people think. No one enjoys being the object of negativity. It’s unpleasant, and probably goes against our biological instincts as well. Want to guess who possessed the “goal of rejection” at the Salem witch trials? Don’t mistake not caring for carrying on in spite of public opinion.
For me it’s always been like playing the role of the boy who exclaims the king is naked in The Emperor’s New Clothes. What ever happened to that kid, anyway? Didn’t they give him a bag of gold for being so perceptive? Then make him king when he grew up for being so honest? NO. I think they kicked him in the ass before they tarred & feathered him. But playing this role isn’t an option.
The famous people selected are surprising. I guess Michael chose them, but I’m not buying some of them. You don’t topple a monarchy without a ton of help, nor would a person with the goal of rejection head an empire. Blavatsky also had an entire “secret society” behind her. She may have rejected Christianity, but she was “one of the boys” in her circles. Definitely not a goal of rejection type. We AREN’T pack animals like our social others. Larry King is part of the bought media machine, and never said an honest thing in his life. If he wasn’t a “get along to go along” shill he’d never have been as successful as he’s been, or had celebrity guests.
Joan Rivers… maybe. Though, again, show biz is very organized. You’ll never meet a true “iconoclast” in Hollywood. But, I see that thing in her that I see in myself. That unyielding obsession to speak your honest truth when surrounded by a roomful of liars. Not to mention pass up a nasty (but truthful) one-liner.
Bette Davis is another one who surprised me at first. I’d like to believe the old axiom that Life isn’t a popularity contest. But Hollywood & politics are definitely two aberrations from that. But, she wasn’t very liked by her coworkers. She was definitely a perfectionist, with a biting wit. And, even in televised interviews where 99% of her ilk sound like they’re running for office (Ann Margret’s typical interview: “Everyone’s great.”), she’ll tell you who was a bastard & why, and who wasn’t and why. Granted, one list is a lot longer than the other, but, no one ever accused her of lying either. I remember her saying her epitaph should read “SHE DID IT THE HARD WAY”. That’s definitely the un/conscious philosophy of a “rejectionist”.
Thanks for these great insights into rejection. You have been given me food for thought, and I might have to amend the text accordingly.
Cheers
B
You”re welcome. I appreciate your graciousness. Take care. ;p
Brilliant, could not of said it better. And for the record it truly is the hard way because we are very hard on ourselves and can never hide behind a lie. Most people don’t like us because the truth hurts, it hurts us too, but it sets us free.
This was interesting.
Rejection, to me, implied that others rejected me, which was usually true especially when I was younger. So I thought it fit me for that reason. I thought that my qualities like being ” blunt, outspoken, nonconformist, uncompromising, controversial, acerbic, misanthropic” were beaten into me as a kid.
But the way it is explained here, it fits me for other, much different reasons. I think that some say they don’t care what others think when they really do care but they keep it hidden. I really don’t care what others think.
Another surprise was that I thought I would fit the negative pole, when the positive pole is a better description.
Cheers, kent
Barry
Hello Barry,
Thank you for your articles, they are always extremelly interesting.
I was wondering – do you think there is a connection between the soul’s age and the goal? I identify myself as a mature soul – if I’m correct – when it all should be about acceptance of myself and others for who they are, yet it seems my goal is rejection – criticising everything… and everyone 🙂 I don’t know, maybe through criticising and challenging everything my ‘real goal’ is to learn more acceptance after all, and better interactions with people..
I would also say it’s not always so black and white as in saying ‘I couldn’t care less of what you think’. Yes, it’s true, it’s easy to say it (not so easy to believe it each time), and your article seems to describe me very well… I have almost no friends and I’m not much concern about every stranger’s opinion about me.. Yet it seems all very different, when it comes to close relationships – and I do ‘urge’ to have them – just not for the price of pretending to be someone else than I am. Yet I strongly desire to find that special person in my life, a soul mate (or even better a twin flame) who would be compatible with me. And the few friends I have (if I have any at the time – because often I don’t have any due to the reasons that seem totally out of my hands), I would do a lot to maintain these friendships, or friendship – with a person who would accept me for who I am. So even though I don’t care much about strangers’ point of view, I don’t watch X-factor programmes because it’s too borring to me to listen to jurors opinions (I don’t care about their opinions, I would watch the programme if I could only see the performance, without listening to jurors’ comments ;), I do care about opinions of people close to me, and I care a lot. Even though I have barely any contact with my family, as we seem to have completelly different values in our lives, I do dream about having a ‘soul-family’. And even though I might have no friends, and no relationship, I do dream of finding the right person. We all need acceptance from someone 🙂 This ‘tough’ look from the outside is often only a shell 😉
And as Don Dong wrote, having the goal of rejection is not really an option, it’s kind of a ‘must’. I tried in the past the path of acceptance for the price of being untruthful to myself – I only got deeply depressed. I have to speak my truth to be myself and if I don’t – I feel it on a physical level as pain in my stomach and as a feeling of depression and pointlesness of living the life which is full of lies. That’s why I’d rather be alone now than lie to myself (doesn’t mean I always truly enjoy being alone, but maybe that’s something I have to learn). It seems as if life pushed me on the path of rejcetion and of being non-conformistic – it’s the only way I can live.
Regards, thanks for a great article,
Nena
Definitely sounding like goal of Rejection, but I think there’s only a small correlation between soul age and goal. Young souls may well be more drawn to Dominance than Mature souls as it suits their need for achievement. But I think all goals can be “useful” through each of the cycles. So a Mature soul with a goal of Rejection isn’t really contradicting the Mature soul sense of relatedness, but is, I would suspect, ensuring that they stay connected with their own truth in the context of experiencing relatedness. If that makes sense…
B
I’ve wondered if there may be a nicer word for this goal than “rejection”, which sounds to me a bit unpleasant sounding. All of the following seem to me to capture this goal:
Uniqueness
Individuality
Distinctiveness
Authenticity
These terms seem to capture the idea of being an authentic individual, of valuing your own opinions even if they are unpopular. “Rejection” feels to me like it’s describing the negative pole of this goal. Surely we’re not rejecting for the sake of it, but being honest and authentic to ourselves and others? Sometimes what we say will be unpopular, but we have an urge to maintain our truth. Otherwise it seems odd to me that some lives we want to accept and other lives reject.
The way I understand it is that we are always both a whole essence in ourselves and part of a greater group. So the Michael Entity is a collective which speaks with one voice, yet each soul within it has a distinctive individuality. During their incarnations each soul in the entity must have had lives of acceptance where they learned to bond with others, and lives of distinctiveness where they learned to be themselves.
Hi Oliver,
I think what you say is perfectly valid and similar arguments can be made about some of the other terms used. The original term for Server, for example, was (and for some still is) Slave. Some prefer to call rejection “discrimination”, and then rename the positive pole as “discernment” or “refinement”. Our use of language shift over time, so what sounds neutral in one decade can be more tainted (positively or negatively) in another. It’s something I think about a lot when presenting this info.
I just read this one over and it actually sounds a lot like me. Not in a good way. It’s like…God, that’s everything that’s ever been wrong with me. I reject the world, the world rejects me. It started in grade school when my peers rejected me for being “different”, and my mother basically egged me on–“You don’t want to be JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, do you?” As if I could say no to that at the age of 9!
So, my defenses were to withdraw, tell myself I didn’t really need them, and just become insistently, defiantly individualistic. Even if it hurt. And it certainly did. It’s like what some of the others are saying–it’s all a shell. I’m socially isolated and don’t foresee any way out of this. It’s just who I am, basically. Of COURSE I don’t want to be like this, which I guess was why it depressed me to read.
That being said, I’m not even sure this IS my life goal. On a deeper level, I don’t really need that freedom from others. Actually, I more easily relate to “Growth”–as in, I read about it like YES! YES! THIS IS WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE!!! That one actually resonated more. One describes how I actually interface, the other describes what’s actually happened to me. Which to choose?
Hi Estelle
If you resonate most with goal of Growth, then I suspect that that is indeed your life goal. And if so, then I guess you were probably brought up (or “imprinted”) to act as if your goal were Rejection. It is typical of lives with the goal of Growth to be raised in an environment or atmosphere that we do not like, and thus feel motivated to seek the opposite. Being born into poverty, for example, motivates some to seek wealth. Being born into an atmosphere of imposed isolation, perhaps, is motivating you to develop a sense of community (or whatever – I’m just speculating).
Alternatively, or additionally, you may have developed a chief feature of Arrogance, one form of which is a sort of a superiority complex whereby we constantly judge others as being below or less than ourselves.
Of course, if you want to really know what’s going on then you can always get a reading from a Michael channel: http://wp.me/P3IPja-yQN
Hope this helps
B
Barry, I think you’re exactly right about the first part! Still working on the chief feature. Thanks for the link, too! I just might wind up doing that!
Interesting, I thought I had Acceptance as a goal, but after my channeling I got:
Goal of Rejection
Acceptance as one of my three Needs.
Hmm I’ d have to reflect on that to see what that would mean. Back and forth tension between rejecting and accepting? Or maybe they both are towards different areas of life..
Love the article, Barry!
What do you think are the differences between a Young Priest and a Mature Priest with goals of Rejection?
Good question. A young soul is focused on being right while others who disagree are (as far as they are concerned) just plain wrong. A mature soul is more focused on accommodating both views, self and other, as valid.
A Priest soul is all about influencing others in accordance with some higher ideal. So a young Priest will insist that those who agree with “me” are not only right, they are serving a greater good; a mature a Priest will insist that accommodating the views of others – underdogs, for example, or foreigners – is for the greater good.
Given that, I think a young Priest with a goal of a rejection will be exceptionally vehement in making “others” wrong, being overtly offensive in the name of … whatever the higher good is (God, country, the community, etc).
I suspect that a mature Priest with Rejection is likely to experience considerable internal friction – how to express a truth that is clearly distinct from the assumptions of the common herd, but is still about accommodating otherness, for the sake of a higher ideal?
I wonder if Richard Dawkins fits this profile. I also wonder if perhaps this is how Jack the Ripper, said to be a very confused mature Priest, went so off the rails. (Negative poles all the way.)
Ideally, a mature Priest with Rejection would be a clear “voice crying in the wilderness”, an inspired spokesperson for the bigger, unspoken truths which others find hard to hear.
I could see Richard Dawkins fitting that profile. A lot of the “new atheists” seem to have the goal of offending theists and don’t seem very mature, but he seems like he might be mature enough to be a mature soul, from some videos I’ve seen of him. (Christopher Hitchens, on the other hand…)
“Voice crying in the wilderness” sounds on point to me!
I’m trying to categorize my soul, haha. Could you help? I think I’m a priest with a goal of rejection, but I’m not sure if I’m mature or somewhere near the end of the middle of young. I want to change people’s minds and yet respect people even if they disagree with me. But I don’t know about “accommodating otherness”. Though, I’ve never seen or read about Richard Dawkins accommodating the views of religious people in the proselytizing of his atheism.
How can you promote a belief and yet “accommodate” those who disagree with you? It seems like indirectly expressing that what you’re saying and what you believe doesn’t really matter after all. I guess if you have the energy of a mature soul people will feel both your passion for your stance and your respect for humanity. I have learned to respect people who I disagree with, but it takes away my motivation to express the truth, because I feel like being nice takes away from the purity of the message… Hopefully that’ll change with time… I’m 22, so maybe I’ll growing into my soul’s maturity. What do you think?
You say “I want to change people’s minds and yet respect people even if they disagree with me.” That respect is precisely what is meant by accommodating otherness – it’s allowing alternative perceptions, beliefs and choices to exist without convincing yourself (and them) that the are wrong and need to be changed, just because they don’t agree with you. Young souls can only appreciate one perspective at a time – their own. Mature souls are able to appreciate (“accommodate”) others’ alternative perspectives. It isn’t about shutting yourself up and being nice; it’s a deep recognition that perspectives are just that, perspectives, not truth.
22 … still a way to go before you fully manifest your true soul age. It often happens that a mature soul in their twenties thinks and acts more like a young soul, because their deeper inner awareness is still coming through. We don’t usually manifest at our full level of awareness until 35 or so.
I have to agree with you, we don’t see much respect for the “other” from Richard Dawkins! If he were a mid-to-late Mature soul, you’d expect him to at least try to appreciate why religion is so valuable to those who adhere to it, instead of just making them out to be bad and wrong. I guess that’s his Priestly crusade for this lifetime.
But what kind of soul is Neil DeGrasse Tyson? A scholar-cast sage?
Do you agree that Ann Coulter is also a young priest with a goal of rejection?
Both of those sound right to me!
One more question and then I’ll stop asking them…how do soul types and goals show up for infant souls?
For infant souls – very raw and indiscriminate. The infant soul perceives self as ‘my body’ and other as ‘not my body’. So there isn’t much discrimination in how the essence and overleaves can be applied. For example, Dominance would be dominance over all that isn’t my body – people, animals, plants, inanimate objects, they’re all the same really. An infant Priest is likely to be mostly in the negative pole of indiscriminate fiery zeal: just demanding or beseeching that things be made better (calling upon the sky to rain, for example).
That’s SO interesting! I’d like to see these infant souls in person. Where can I find them? Rainforests?
Also psychiatric units and high security prisons.
Oh. Word! And a lot of people with low functioning autism are infant souls, right?
I believe we fight our way to our actualization.. and we “mow” down anything or anyone in our way. It’s making the best of the cards we are dealt, but within we know that no one can stop it, so we courageously brake the norm and ” make our life the way we desire it to be. Negelected yes, but hell, I’m going to give it all that I got! Get the hell out of the way!!! Lol. That’s how I see it:). Much love tho!