PhotoHi, I’m Barry. I’m a psychologist exploring the hidden depths of human nature — what may be called our essence or soul.

Many people ask themselves “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?”

To answer “Who am I?”, they might begin by looking into their own personality.

To answer “Why am I here?”, they might turn to a spiritual teaching or philosophy.

But ultimately, both searches end up in the same place — who we are is why we are here. 

In other words, your personality — with all its quirks and limitations — is no accident. It is a kind of vehicle for your higher self (or soul) to operate in the world.

And while many psychologists, philosophers and other thinkers regard spirituality as meaningless or irrational, I cannot deny my own experiences nor can I dismiss the experiences of others so lightly.

The purpose of this website is to be a hub of information, inspiration and occasionally entertainment about who and what we really are — beyond (but including) the personality.

  • For my occasional blog posts about the latest research in psychology and neuroscience, including positive psychology and transpersonal psychology, see Research.
  • For occasional journal accounts of my own experiences, including meditation, manifestation, self-discovery, spiritual awakening and past life regression, see Journal.
  • My perspective is informed by various spiritual teachings, particularly those which focus on consciousness evolution and enlightenment. See Teachings.
  • You could also take a look at my various Articles, or check out my list of recommended reading under Books.

If you need my details to cite in a paper or article, please click on the down arrow below and all is revealed!

Citation details

My Health and My Purpose

(Updated 5 April 2014):  I just thought it worth mentioning this bit of back-story. I have two fairly serious medical conditions that have had a dramatic impact on my life, affecting my time and energy. And yet they also have a special relationship to this website.

The first is called Recurrent Respiratory Papillomatosis (RRP), a rare disease caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV). Ugly but benign tumors, rather like pink raspberries, constantly grow inside my trachea and voice box, gradually affecting my ability to breathe and talk.

I’ve had this since before turning 40 (c. late 2000). I wasn’t properly diagnosed for about two years, in which time I spent several months on the very edge of choking to death, fearing sleep every night, not sure if I would actually wake up the next day. And I had no voice at all, just a whisper. Plus a constant (like 10 times a minute) dry cough that drove everyone around me insane.

Eventually, thanks to the determination and skills of my fantastic wife, I was seen by an international  expert. properly diagnosed, rushed straight into hospital for an emergency operation, and saved.

A troublesome feature of this disease, however,  is that it doesn’t just stop. These airway growths have to be pruned on a regular basis, either by clipping or by burning with a laser, regularly enough to prevent choking. In my case, I have to undergo a 1-hour surgical operation under general anaesthetic every 3-4 months.

I have lost count of the number of operations I’ve had, but I’d guess it must be between 40 and 50 by now. Not surprisingly, perhaps, all those anaesthetics have taken a toll on my body’s general resilience. It now takes me at least a couple of weeks to return to normal functioning, and I am highly susceptible to infection.

Then in May 2008, after months of feeling increasingly “unwell” in some way, I suddenly experienced what felt like a possible heart attack. I was in my boss’s office at the time, so he called for an ambulance.

Well, the good news was that it wasn’t a heart attack; in fact it was a case of acute pericarditis, which is where a bug causes the pericardium (the membrane that envelops the heart) to inflame. This is rather painful in the heart itself, though for the record it feels more like a bullet wound, rather than the crushing weight that accompanies a heart attack. The sore, swollen membrane also affects the heart itself, resulting in weakness, as well as the anxiety that goes with constantly feeling your heart “struggling” with each beat.

The pericarditis cleared up in a couple of months, but my general condition didn’t; in fact it plummeted from bad to worse to terrible. I found myself in a constant state of utter fatigue and depletion, barely able to walk a few yards and certainly not able hold a book to read. On top of this I had all-over aches and pains, and feeble-mindedness. I felt like I had become a 90-year-old overnight. A 90-year-old with Alzheimer’s and the flu.

Again, a few false and misleading diagnoses had to be dealt with, until I was eventually diagnosed as having post-viral fatigue. This is the label for having constant fatigue for at least 6 months following a viral episode. If it still persists beyond 18 months, as mine did, then the label changes to chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), also known as M.E. It was once derided as “yuppie flu” – a sort of middle-class excuse for feeling tired. Despite the growing evidence now showing that the body’s ability to make and use chemical energy has been damaged in CFS patients, there are still many — even doctors! — who dismiss it as “all in the head”, or just malingering.

Fortunately, my doctors have been on the ball and there is a government-funded CFS/M.E. support clinic near where I live.

The upshot of all this digression into my medical history is to point out the following:

(a) Sometimes, whole days, weeks or even months go by in which I lack the energy to concentrate or communicate. Needless to say, that includes my responding to personal issues that people write to me about. (I seem to have become a sort of psycho-spiritual agony aunt.) As you can probably see in the comments sections around the website, I do try to respond to each individual as best I can, but sometimes I simply cannot focus at all. If I have ever failed to respond to you, please accept my apologies.

On the other hand…

(b) This website and its continued expansion, including  my responses to readers’ questions, appears to be my life’s mission, or at least a platform for it.

One day, at a time when I felt I was not so much close to death but as good as already dead, I actually locked myself in a quiet room with a pen and notepad and decided not to come out until I had a clear, conscious knowing of my life’s purpose. If I only had, say, a year’s worth of activity left in me, what should I do with it? How could I die feeling satisfied that I had done what I came here to do? Was I missing anything?

It took about 45 minutes of introspection and self-enquiry, which took me through a series of insights.

First, I realised that whatever it is I might be here to do would be something I naturally find fulfilling and rewarding, as it will be an opportunity to let the essence of my soul (or the quality of my life force, if you will) flow at its best. In other words, to fulfil my life I must be authentic and express my true nature and the way I truly see things, even if that feels self-indulgent, as any falsity will lead to frustration and dissatisfaction.

Second, I realised that whatever it is that I would find most fulfilling would inevitably be of service or value to others. This just seems to be like a law of Nature: do what truly expresses your gifts and interests, and satisfies your heart, and others will automatically benefit. If service to others (or life in general, or society, God, whatever) doesn’t feature in your sense of purpose, you’re probably not seeing your true purpose.

Third, I realised that living with purpose, or being true to my purpose, did not necessarily mean giving up my day job or my lowering my standard of living if I was unwilling to do so. So long as my heart is set on self-fulfilment and service, and my mind is open to new possibilities coming from nowhere, the universe will find a way.

Finally, I got my purpose. I had to turn different words and phrases over in my mind a few times, but I could feel that I was on the right tack — it was just a matter of getting that “chime” feeling of resonance, that “tuning fork moment” in which the words describing my purpose match the feelings I seek (the joyous, uplifting and freeing sense of doing one’s true work, that which I came here to do).

Here it is:

To find something I feel  is really worth saying, and then to say it to all who are ready to hear it, and say it with exquisite beauty and clarity, such that their soul feels uplifted as a result.

The next day, I started this website.

And with hindsight I can also see how my illnesses have been a huge gift.

My Health and My Purpose — part 2

(Updated 15 September 2014):
Wow. Speaking of huge gifts, please see my blog post of 14 Sept 2014:
[ shortlink: http://wp.me/p3IPja-544 ]
sun-barry Signature
PS. To reveal a list of all blog posts in reverse order, just click on the link below:
Blog Posts

Related Posts

37 Responses to “About”


  1. 1 ૩rd ɛyɛ ℑndigo 24 Aug 2009 at 7:23 pm

    BRAVO!! Well done Kudos to you for this! I have been a Micheal Group follower since 1987 and to find an extentensive and simple compilation of basics teachings in such a simplistic form is a blessing! I will positively pass and promote this blog because, this is powerful information for self-discovery and understanding!

    Thank you and NAMASKAR!

  2. 2 Valnea 04 Jul 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I love your blog. I didn´t knew I can leave comments since today.

    Well, very nice colours I mean design.
    And it is interesting I like to read. :)

    • 3 barry 04 Jul 2010 at 3:38 pm

      Thanks very much, Valnea.

  3. 4 Carol Hubbard 23 Sep 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Hi, Barry.

    Can I get your permission to put a link to your website on mine (ReincarnationTruth.com)? Just let me know … thanks!

    Carol

    • 5 barry 23 Sep 2010 at 7:47 pm

      Of course :)
      And by way of reciprocating, here is a link to yours: ReincarnationTruth.com
      – barry

  4. 6 Ann R Davis 07 Jun 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Hello – Enjoyed your website. I had an extraodinary, surprising experience of visions of past lives years ago and finally had the courage to publish the book. If you would like to see a little about me, visit my website. The book, “Looking Out the Back Door: Visions of Past Lives” will be out in a few weeks.
    If you like I could send more about the “happening” and my adjustment to it. May I make a link to your website from mine?

    • 7 barry 07 Jun 2011 at 5:33 pm

      Thanks, Ann. Sounds fascinating – I will take a look.
      Feel free to link!

      – barry

  5. 8 Helen Frederiksen 11 Feb 2013 at 6:28 pm

    I just stumbled upon this – wonderful and looking forward to reading more

    • 9 barry 11 Feb 2013 at 6:35 pm

      Hi Helen

  6. 10 Dan 26 Feb 2013 at 1:44 am

    Mr. Barry im doing research paper and would like to cite you from one of your articles, therefore i need some qualifications other than psychologist; and a last name would be nice! Thanks!

    • 11 barry 26 Feb 2013 at 3:37 pm

      Done

      • 12 Garland 11 Apr 2013 at 4:16 am

        Barry! I am also writing a paper for a class and would like to cite some of your work. Wondering if you could provide me with the same info, and possibly answer some questions for me? Thanks.

        • 13 barry 11 Apr 2013 at 12:35 pm

          No problem. I’ve emailed you.

          • 14 Zhi Wen 16 Dec 2013 at 9:04 pm

            Hi, Barry. I am writing a research paper and I would like to cite your work. I hope you can provide me with some information other than your first name, You help is greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!

          • 15 Ava 09 Jun 2014 at 9:53 pm

            Can i have the same information to cite you?

            • 16 barry 12 Jun 2014 at 8:12 pm

              done

  7. 17 seeker 16 Mar 2013 at 4:01 am

    This is a lot of reading materials for me which are very interesting. Thank you for listing them down.

  8. 18 Emiko 27 Apr 2013 at 3:34 am

    So I have been reading a lot about reincarnation and different soul types and stages etc. Now I’m just wondering who came up with all these? How did they know about all of these? Is there any proof other than the children with past life memories? I really need some kind of proof to truly embrace this concept. Can we explain this scientifically? Or this is just something you just have to believe…like religion???

    • 19 barry 27 Apr 2013 at 11:25 am

      The idea of reincarnation has been around for thousands of years, enshrined in various religious teachings around the world. There have also been new teachings about it in the last hundred years or so, received through channelling (that’s when a human being goes into a meditative state and allows a higher consciousness to speak/write through them). What we might call scientific evidence for reincarnation has only appeared in the last few decades, in the form of children’s testimonies, past-life regression therapy, and documented physical correlations (e.g. birth marks that correspond to past-life gunshot wounds).

      However, none of this is “proof” for the existence of reincarnation, nor will it ever be. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a proof when it comes to science and nature. Proofs exist only in mathematics and logic, for the simple reason that these are closed systems of meaning. (If X=1, then by necessity 2X=2. Why? Because that’s the way we define truth in algebra.) In science, however, we are just trying to find the best ways to describe the myriad facets of an infinitely open system – nature, reality.

      In maths and logic, there is only one possible right answer to any question. In science, no question is ever finally answered. Instead, we have theories, or working models, and those theories/models that appear to be supported by a lot of evidence tend to be accepted as “the likeliest explanation”.

      There is no “proof” for evolution, for example. As a theory, it is undeniably so well supported by the evidence as to appear to be the best explanation beyond reasonable doubt. Thus, many scientists assume it to be “true”, at least privately. Some, such as Richard Dawkins, go so far as to claim it to be “true” publicly and outspokenly. But all (good) scientists know that a well supported theory isn’t proof of anything – the question is never fully answered.

      So there is never such a thing as scientific proof – there are only scientific theories plus an accumulation of observations and other evidence which may or may not allow us to make a judgement as to which theory is probably “right”, or at least worth adopting as a working model. It’s similar to how a court case works. We can’t prove that so-and-so did the murder, but do we have enough evidence that supports the prosecution’s case “beyond reasonable doubt”?

      In the case of reincarnation, there is not now and there never will be proof that it is true. (Until, that is, the day you die and find yourself in the afterlife with total recall of your past lives!) So there is no proof, but there is an accumulation of evidence. There are a few scientists who find that the evidence is persuasive, and so they personally accept reincarnation as “true”. But most scientists have an unfortunate prior commitment to a materialistic worldview — they see metaphysical, paranormal and supernatural explanations as unscientific by definition, and therefore not acceptable as viable theories. They denounce the case for reincarnation as “pseudo-science”. They in turn are denounced as “pseudo-skeptics”.

      Now, another grey area in science is that, when it comes to testing a theory, a lot depends on the validity of the evidence. That’s another judgement call — some will accept (say) a personal testimony as evidence, and others will reject it as mere “hearsay” or “anecdotal”. Much of the evidence for reincarnation is of that type.

      So at the end of the day, it’s down to you. I personally came to a point where, after reading a lot of accounts of past-life regression, of children’s spontaneus past-life recall, of physical correlations between facial and pther physical features from one life to the next, of channelled material describing the reincarnation process … I was eventually persuaded to see the theory of reincarnation as the likeliest explanation. And privately I do believe it to be true, though I always leave some room for doubt as well — I’m not a “reincarnation fundamentalist” or an evangelist, just someone who has moved from an anti-reincarnation to a pro-reincarnation position over the course of many years.

      The descriptions of soul types you refer to have been around for about 40 years and come from a channelled source: http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/

  9. 20 Lawrence 04 Aug 2013 at 9:29 pm

    Barry, suggestion, take you picture off the sight, you look sedated and like you haven’t smiled in 10 years.

    Will keep you in my prayers.

    What I Bless Blesses me.
    Lawrence

    • 21 barry 08 Aug 2013 at 8:32 am

      And that’s me on a GOOD day. You should see what I NORMALLY look like:

  10. 22 Lissa 09 Feb 2014 at 4:09 am

    According to Astrology I am a Virgo. According to Numerology I am a 9 life path. According to Myers-Briggs, I am an INFP. I don’t believe in violence, war, or dissention. I think these are all very unnecessary ways of solving what seems to be a problem. I have always been very sensitive to other peoples feelings and in my surrounding environment. I love to help people and to be of a benefit to improving their lives or making their lives more happy. I will stick up for something or someone whom I feel is being treated unjustly. I spend a lot of time in quiet contemplation. I am extremely spiritual and mostly everything I do feels connected to higher power. I am not religious at all. Although, I believe that if one finds that religion helps them to enlighten their souls development and become better people then this is very good for the person. I believe in reincarnation without a doubt. I feel completely innocent in many ways, yet I feel deeper, intuitive, and insightful. Wondering what soul category I would fit into?

    • 23 barry 03 Mar 2014 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Lissa

      Based on what you’ve said about yourself, I would bet on you being a Mature (or possibly Old) Priest, emotionally centered, with spiritualist attitude, and I would suspect goal of acceptance though I would need a bit more to go on to be more confident about the goal. No sense of your mode or negative feature however.

      Any of that resonate?

      Barry

  11. 24 Tamera 31 Mar 2014 at 7:21 pm

    Hello Barry
    I’m very interested in your articles and would like to cite them for a research paper I’m doing for school. If you could please email me with your last name and maybe some other qualifications, that would be great.
    Please have a nice day~

  12. 25 Caroline 12 May 2014 at 11:37 pm

    Hi Barry, I am using am quoting one of your articles in a research paper and I need to do a works cited page.. Can I please have your last name?

  13. 26 Elaine Power 08 Jul 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Thank you for this stunning, rich gold mine of a website! The beauty, clarity and integrity of what you write shines through! and it does indeed resonate with my soul… I look forward to reading lots more. Many blessings to you. Elaine

    • 27 barry 08 Jul 2014 at 6:17 pm

      Many many thanks Elaine. I really appreciate the acknowledgement!

      Barry

  14. 28 babylonmagus 24 Aug 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Barrymeister!

    Well hello you, über-miracle worker Barry… Where would I be, were it not for the marvellous skills of scholars? All my empathy, compassion and love is focussed at this moment in time to the very core of your soul… know that you are loved and sweet dreams!

    Arvin da Braga
    =^.|.^=

  15. 29 Callee 24 Aug 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Hi Barry, I literally stumbled upon your blog – hadn’t read much, but as I worked my way down this first page and CFS jumped out at me, I knew I was supposed to find you. I too have CFS, unbelievably (for me!) for almost 30 years. I look forward to immersimg myself here, with you, for a while.
    ;} callee

    • 30 barry 24 Aug 2014 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Callee

      Ah, CFS! What a weird thing. On the one hand it’s a constant drag trying to get through the day with only 5-10% of normal energy available. But on the other hand, it forces me to be very conscious of what I’m doing with my energy, and when to stop using it.

      My personality has been a big part of the equation, and I suspect this is true of many. I have a mixture of Perseverance (never stop a task once you’ve started!) combined with Impatience (finish every task ASAP because there’s probably something more important to be done next). So I have this huge demand on my energy flow — committing too much of it unnecessarily AND committing it quite aggressively because I fear running it out of time. On reflection, it’s no wonder I went kaput!

      How about you, Callee? – I’m always fascinated to hear others’ stories/journeys with this thing.

      Best wishes

      Barry

  16. 31 Irina 01 Sep 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Hello, Barry

    I stumbled upon your site a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t have the time to explore it in depth. Today, upon returning to work after a two-week vacation I started reading some of the articles more in depth, simply because the subject-matter helps calm mi restless mind.
    During my vacation my mother, who is in her sixties and is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer, had an unpleasant episode with a nasty stomach flu. She got over it in a couple of days, but her energy levels are still very low and she gets tired faster than usual… or than before the flue… Also, since I live with her, I noticed something that troubled me deeply… We wend to the market one day, because she wanted to prove to herself that she had the strength to go out. We bought some red grapes. Later at home, she was eating some and asked me where was the white grapes. I was perplexed. We hand’t bought any white grapes. There was also another similar occurrence.
    When I read what you wrote about CFS I started wondering if what happened could be a side effect of the stomach flue rather all the other possibilities that frankly fill me up with dread.
    So I don’t know what I’m asking really. I guess, since you mentioned that you were like “A 90-year-old with Alzheimer’s and the flu”…
    I guess I don’t want a mental ailment to befall her on top of her physical condition and I needed to confide my troubles with someone.
    It threw me off so much because nothing similar to the instance I described had ever happened before.

    Thank you for this amazing site and all the information and knowledge you share with us. And I wish you success in your goal.

    I may comment in other sections of the site. I just needed to share this experience I had with my mum.

    Thank you again

    Irina

    • 32 barry 01 Sep 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Many thanks for the feedback, Irina :)

      Sorry to hear about your mother. I am no medical expert so I can’t give a diagnosis, of course, but I can share a few things that I’ve learned through my experiences (and Scholarly research) that might be of some help for you.

      – CFS or ME is most often triggered by having to fight off a viral infection. I don’t mean one specific type of virus, it could be ANY virus.

      – The viral infection isn’t the sole cause. I don’t even think there is a single cause. Rather, the infection is usually “the last straw” for a body that has been overdoing it for far too long while under pressure and stress.

      – If you recover from a virus but find yourself in a permanent energy-less state for no apparent reason, the “official” medical term is Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome.

      In my case I had a bout of pericarditis (virus attacking the lining of the heart, causing it to inflame – felt like I’d been shot in the heart by a bullet). I recovered from that, yet I continued to feel like I had particularly bad case of flu thereafter.

      – One of the obvious symptoms of CFS is that if you exert yourself on Monday (like, say, doing a lot of shopping or moving furniture around), then you feel physically and mentally incapacitated on Tuesday and possibly also Wednesday. The fatigue rebound – it sucks.

      – Other symptoms can include insomnia or an abnormal wake/sleep pattern, the dreaded “brain fog” which is losing the powers of concentration and memory, and all-over aches & pains that come and go, all for no apparent reason.

      – Hoarse voice is another possible CFS symptom, which I have but had mis-attributed to the fact that I have operations on my throat several times a year. In fact, I’ve had 40-50 throat operations since 2001, which is a lot of general anaesthetic and may also be a contributing factor to CFS. The hoarseness is like not having enough power of breath to make your voice sound normal.

      – Some people get over their post-viral fatigue in a number of weeks or months. If you don’t get over it, then after a while it’s renamed CFS/ME. My local CFS clinic formally reclassified it from Post-Viral to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome once I’d had it for over 18 months.

      – If there’s a lot of pain (for no apparent reason) that is always precisely located in certain points of the body (for no apparent reason), then the condition might be called Fybromyalgia. The difference between CFS and Fibromyalgia is blurry apart from that one symptom. Check out list of symptoms: http://phoenixrising.me/mecfs-basics/dr-bernes-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-mecfsfibromyalgia-symptom-checklist-2

      My brain fog, when it is bad, is like when a computer freezes and nothing comes out of it. I can barely remember my name sometimes. The available level of mental energy and focus is so low that I cannot read a sentence AND understand it because by the time I reach the end of the sentence I have no memory of the start. It’s even worse in conversation. When someone is trying to have a conversation and the brain fog kicks in with me it’s like I can actually feel my brain collapsing with fatigue. I hear each word they say but I cannot string them together. Which can be really embarrassing! (It’s especially frustrating for my wife, who is an intellectually-centred Artisan with mode of Caution. She wants to run every idea and option by me, but often she can see that I’m just not receiving anything.)

      As fas as I have observed, people with CFS (including me) tend to have a particular personality profile. In the language of the framework used here, the most common trait seems to be the mode of Perseverance. That means, at least in the negative pole, a tendency to keep going on with any task to the bitter end, never stopping or resting despite being advised to, despite all resistance, despite all common sense, despite even your own body’s weakening. Well, that’s me! (or rather, used to be)

      In my case, I also have a CF (chief feature / character flaw) of Impatience, which means I tend to rush into action for fear of missing out on life. That, I think, was also a contributing factor for me at least.

      I also have the life goal of Growth, which is essentially a quest to understand everything in one’s life (…the universe…everything). The negative pole of that is confusion or overwhelm, when I’m experiencing and trying to understand more than I can cope with.

      So: I impatiently persist with trying to understand everything in my experience. I suspect that my CFS is a reaction to that – it has forced me to relocate to the opposite of Growth, namely “Retardation” or “Re-evaluation”, which is a bit like taking time out from life to rest and re-group. I can’t say that everyone with CFS has a similar profile, but I do think over-persistence is one of the factors, together with stress and then, of course, a nasty infection.

      Hope that helps clarify things one way or another. But good luck with it.

      PS – There have been recent studies reporting that taking certain medicines or supplements (I forget which) may stop Alzheimer’s in its tracks. Not reverse it, but stop it from getting worse. A good place to keep up with the research is here: http://www.sciencedaily.com/news/health_medicine/alzheimer's/
      There’s a similar section for CFS/ME:
      http://www.sciencedaily.com/news/health_medicine/chronic_fatigue_syndrome/

  17. 33 Irina 02 Sep 2014 at 6:25 am

    Barry, thank you very much for the reply and your kind words.

    I think for now I’m going to prepare for the worst but hope and program the Universe for the best. Partially because I really don’t want to be too much dependent on the doctors in my country /Bulgaria/. They haven’t done nothing much to inspire confidence in me.

    Of course I know no one can’t make diagnosis over the internet. But I am grateful you shared your experience. Maybe when I read about it here I just grasped at the first straw I saw. But like I said. I will hope and program the Universe for the best.

    I guess all I really want is for my mum to do what she’s set out to do in this reincarnation in relative comfort and lucidity.

    Knowing for oneself and believing in all that is discussed on this site doesn’t make it any less painful watching your loved ones in pain or battling some illness or other and you helpless to do anything to take their pain away.

    Thank you again for answering. I wish you well.

    Irina

  18. 34 Kasey 29 Oct 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Hello Barry, Was hoping to cite some of your work on self-deprecation. Would you be able to provide me with some of the necessary information?

  19. 35 Sara 01 Nov 2014 at 12:09 am

    Hi Barry! Just a question. Why do we long for people no longer in our lives. I’m in love and happy with my partner. I had an ex who was narcissistic and used me for money and academic stuff. I was with him 10 years but the last 8 were toxic and this was over 4 years ago. I’m healed and happy. So why do I catch myself wandering sometimes? I will never contact him and even the idea repulses ME knowing how I will be treated and the level I had stooped too. he wasn’t a nice person to me and lied about everything. I normally don’t talk about him and if I ever see him I turn away but sometimes when I’m listening to a certain song my mind wanders back to him. Despite how awful he was we did have a good communication level (even though he lied a lot about his personal life) but we had awful chemistry and there was no tranquility there just lots of turbulence and arguments. I just want to know why and whether this means we have some sort of karmic connection.

    My second question is does God exist? The more I research the abrahamic religions the more man made they seem. I want to believe and I do believe but I cant believe that God would ask us to do some of the rituals out there. I think I’m losing my faith!!!

    • 36 barry 07 Nov 2014 at 9:35 am

      Hi Sara

      My guess is that you are not allowing yourself to have mixed feelings. At a conscious, intellectual level we tend to categorise and pigeon-hole things: this person is good, this event is bad, and so on. It makes life simpler and more efficient – but it also makes our perceptions imprecise. No person is wholly good or bad.

      You knew a guy with whom you had good communication: you felt “met” and understood by him. At the same time, he was narcissistic and exploitative. I’ve known similar people. It’s tempting to just write them off as bad guys, but then we’re not acknowledging their better qualities, and part of us knows that.

      I suspect there was a karmic thing gong on here. One possible scenario is that you are spiritual “cousins” who have known each other a long time, and lived together in a several lives, and that includes a few role-play lives. For example, in one life you could have been the exploiter and he (or she) was the exploited, and now you have reversed roles. So from a personality point of view, you’ve had a horrible experience with a horrible person, while from a soul perspective you’ve finished playing out an important “game” with one of your beloved buddies. Hence mixed feelings – an inner recognition of your closeness despite outer appearances.

      God:

      Now there’s a small, easy-to-answer question!

      Basically, there is an intelligence both behind and within the entire universe. It isn’t some big fella with a beard, however. And it isn’t some fierce High Court judge who decides who gets to go to Heaven. Those are myths, pure and simple. The word “God” is tricky, however, because those are exactly the sort of images it automatically conjures up.

      Some people prefer a more neutral-sounding term such as “the Source” or “the Tao”. But then there’s the risk of overlooking the fact that “it” is inherent within ourselves. It isn’t like the Force in Star Wars – mysterious, ethereal, hard to grasp. It’s the very core of you and me and everything else. It’s the very fabric of all existence – nature, humanity, matter, energy, consciousness, life, art, science … it’s all the same being in myriad forms of self-expression and self-exploration, but also with some illusions and shadows thrown into the mix.

      In a very real sense, we are all God playing peekaboo with itself. We are all “fragments” or “extensions” of the same infinite being. Our mission is to know ourselves, to gradually grow in consciousness and, eventually, know ourselves as the infinite.

      As we evolve, our ability to conceptualise and appreciate “God” alters. Here, it is a good idea to famliarise yourself with the soul ages. Younger souls tend to imagine God as a father or mother figure, because that’s as far as their imagination and limited experience can take them.

      This is where the Abrahamic religions have sprung from. The Old Testament “God” is a rather grumpy father figure, which made sense to the largely illiterate tribes of the ancient Middle East.

      As souls evolve they can become more rational, and many will then reject the idea of God altogether. Hence “God” is dismissed by educated thinkers as a very silly concept invented by those largely illiterate tribes of the ancient Middle East.

      But souls evolve further and come to discover that there is something within themselves, within others, and within the entire cosmos, that is all the same — the same essence, the same life force, the same intelligence. There is a far bigger picture than the rational human mind had been capable of perceiving. Yet it can be experienced directly, without the intervention of the rational mind.

      Some people refer to this as “God”, not having any better word for it, but still they aren’t referring to some father figure “up there”. Rather, they have discovered an omnipresent creative consciousness that takes delight in losing bits of itself in human form and then rediscovering those bits in moments of great joy.

      You and I are instances of the same God-being, apparently wandering around in search of ourselves and our place in the universe, but the deeper intelligence within us knows that we will inevitably get back to complete awareness of our divinity.

      There’s nothing wrong with losing your faith, by the way. It doesn’t mean you automatically become a rational-minded atheist with no sense of the divine. Rather, you become an open-minded truth-seeker who is ready and willing to KNOW the divine rather than merely BELIEVE in the divine.

      A book I would definitely recommend for you at this point is Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh.

      cheers

      Barry

      • 37 Sara 07 Nov 2014 at 11:58 pm

        That’s such an amazing reply and I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the amount of ideas you’ve given me to speculate upon. I’ve always found religion and the rules to be man made and I’ve always thought someone somewhere glimpsed something of the divinity and tried to bring focus to it using a series of rules and codes to go by. I wonder why i was born into this religion then but I feel like and I’m now reaching my 30s that there’s more than this. As a child I found it horrible when a priest told me Jewish and Christian priests would go to hell because they were worshipping the wrong way, so it is something I’ve always questioned and as a teen had come to the conclusion all religions are right and as long as we believe its ok, only now I find myself thinking even that’s too simplistic. My current partner is also of the same mind and we both have decided we are agnostic until further research.
        The past relationship makes sense.. I guess karma does suck sometimes and it’s cool to have a theory as to why I still think back to someone I really don’t want to be with.
        It is so nice that you emailed me and this response I’ll be keeping and pondering back on for a very long time… Thank you!!!!
        I’ll be reading through the articles on soul ages and try and find my spirituality again :)


Leave a question or comment (I can't always respond but will do my best ...)




Enlightenment Intensives

If you have ever wanted to experience for yourself a moment of genuine spiritual awakening, or if you simply want to know who you truly are, then an Enlightenment Intensive could be for you. Highly recommended.


In the USA, see:


In the UK:


Or to find out more, see my articles here:

Recommended book

Spiritual Turning Points

A Metaphysical Perspective of the Seven Life Transitions

Amazon link

Author:

Victoria Marina-Tompkins

Publisher:

Xlibris, Corp. (January 25, 2011)

A groundbreaking look at the Seven Life Transitions --

  • Birth
  • the Terrible Twos
  • Adolescence
  • Mid-life Crisis
  • Life Review
  • Dying
  • Death

-- through the lens of the Michael Teachings, Shamanism and Astrology.

Order from Amazon:

Spiritual Turning Points

Donate

Contact

You can email me here.