Self-Disparagement | Self-Doubt | Self-Consciousness
Imposter Syndrome | Social Anxiety

self-dep

SELF-DEPRECATION is one of seven basic character flaws or “dark” personality traits. We all have the potential for some self-doubt and social anxiety, but in people with a deep sense of personal inadequacy, Self-Deprecation can become a dominant pattern.

To deprecate (or depreciate *) something is to belittle it or downgrade it. That is, to reduce its perceived status, importance, and value.

* deprecate rhymes with ‘fabricate’, while depreciate rhymes with ‘appreciate’. Take your pick.

Self-deprecation (or self-depreciation) therefore means belittling yourself, criticising yourself, or running yourself down—both internally in your own mind and externally in the eyes of others. It is defined as:

  • The disparagement of one’s own abilities; [1]
  • Communication that expresses something negative about its originator; making negative statements regarding one’s own appearance or abilities, such as saying “I’m so fat” or “I’m such an idiot”; [2]
  • Expressing disapproval of or being critical of oneself. [3]

It is an urge, often an automatic and irresistible urge, to present yourself as lower than others, or less than you should be, or even invisible—unworthy of being seen.

As with the opposite chief feature of arrogance, self-deprecation is a way of manipulating others’ perceptions of yourself in order to avoid taking a ‘hit’ to your self-esteem.

In this case, however, the basic strategy is to get in first—to launch a preemptive attack on your own failings before anyone else can do so. While the arrogant person tries to deny their imperfections by feigning perfection, the self-deprecating person believes their own imperfection is absolute: I am simply not as good as other people… And it’s perfectly obvious to everyone else, so there’s no point denying it.

Like all chief features, self-deprecation involves the following components:

  1. Early negative experiences
  2. Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others
  3. A constant fear and sense of insecurity
  4. A maladaptive strategy to protect the self
  5. A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood

Early Negative Experiences

In the case of self-deprecation, the early negative experiences typically revolve around failing to live up to parents’ high expectations.

Perhaps the parents are perfectionists and expect the child to measure up to an impossible standard. Perhaps the parents are over-achievers and cannot accept having a child who isn’t similarly talented or driven. Either way, the child can never be up to scratch.

Misconceptions

From such experiences of being constantly below standard, the child comes to perceive himself as something fundamentally flawed, basically inadequate.

Again and again, the child in this position learns that “who I am is not good enough.” The love, care and attention that he craves is unavailable, and the reason for this is—apparently—his own deficiency as a person. His constant sense of failure, and of being a constant disappointment to others, give rise to a fundamental sense of shame.

Hence:

Who I am is not good enough. Nothing I can do will ever be good enough.

I should feel ashamed of myself just for being me.

Even before I try, I know I’m going to fail—so there’s no point in even trying.

At least I will always be right about one thing: my inadequacy.

I have nothing of value to offer anyone. I don’t belong here. I am an impostor. 

Fear

Based on the above  misconceptions and early negative experiences, the child becomes gripped by a specific kind of fear. In this case, the fear is of inadequacynever being good enough to please or satisfy others, never being good enough to deserve success or love or happiness.

The child feels like a gatecrasher in life, an uninvited guest, an interloper, and constantly fears being caught and exposed.

His attempts at living a normal life cause great internal conflict because he feels a normal life is not something he deserves, being below standard as a human being.

Strategy

The growing individual becomes hyper-sensitive to the possibility of being exposed as inadequate, and sees the threat of this exposure everywhere.

His basic strategy for coping with this threat is to manipulate others’ perceptions in advance. Typically this involves:

  • avoiding others’ attention if possible: he will try to divert attention away from himself, keep the focus on other people or things;
  • managing others’ expectations: to lower others’ expectations, he will tend to apologise in advance for every forthcoming “failure” and deliberately act as inadequately as possible so that no-one expects anything else.

Remember, the individual with self-deprecation truly believes in their own inadequcy. They see little point in denying it. Their ploy, then, is one of damage limitation:

I cannot succeed in life, I cannot feel good about myself, I cannot get on with others. The best I can hope for is to limit the damage by hiding myself from view.

If I am belittled, I probably deserve it. But at least if I belittle myself first, I leave others with nothing to belittle me about.

As they enter adulthood, they come to rely on this strategy more and more.

Persona

Emerging into adulthood, the individual probably does not want go around being overtly afraid and insecure about their fundamental inadequacy. Hence the defensive strategy of self-deprecation puts on a mask of invisibility. He will tend to make himself small, silent and invisible; he will tend to talk very quietly, cover his face, look downward. This mask or persona continually says to the world, “I am not here. Look the other way. Pay me no attention. And if you do happen to notice me, don’t expect anything special.”

Outwardly, he also pretends to be the most inadequate person in the world—so that anything he then manages to do just adequately or even better comes as a nice surprise to everyone and might even elicit praise.

He might even become so adept at deliberate self-deprecation that it develops into a personal style of humour, much enjoyed by other people. His obvious lack of arrogance will also be attractive to some. If he completely identifies with the sense of inadequacy, however, this could have a debilitating effect. Whenever he receives praise or appreciation, he will simply not believe it.

All people are capable of this kind of behaviour. When it dominates the personality, however, one is said to have a chief feature of self-deprecation.

A d v e r t i s e m e n t


Positive and Negative Poles

In the case of self-deprecation, the positive pole is termed HUMILITY and the negative pole is termed SELF-ABASEMENT.

+ humility +

|

SELF-DEPRECATION

|

– self-abasement –

Humility, or modesty, is a state of having little ego or pride, and therefore not trying to elevate yourself in the eyes of others. Ideally, this is a state in which you can appropriately recognise and accept your “ordinariness”. You feel free from ego concerns. We could all do with some humility.

Self-abasement, on the other hand, is a state of excessive, unwarranted humility. In other words, a state of self-inflicted humiliation and degredation. It is a state in which you are trapped in a vicious circle of self-criticism. Even if you come to understand that you have adopted self-deprecation as a false defensive measure, this is just further “proof” of your ultimate inadequacy.

Handling Self-Deprecation

People with self-deprecation may feel constantly ashamed of themselves for no good reason and are often apologising for themselves. Depression is a possible outcome.

As with every chief feature, the key is becoming conscious of how self-deprecation operates in yourself. If you have self-deprecation, you can begin by observing your outward social behaviour and persona in action:

  • Do I criticise or belittle myself to others?
  • Do I try to manipulate how others judge me by lowering their expectations? (e.g., “Knowing me, I’ll probably get it all wrong.”)
  • Do I sometimes exaggerate how incompetent I am in the hope that others will be pleasantly surprised by my results?

Try to catch yourself in the act of putting on your “I’m useless” mask.

Then dig deeper:

  • Why do I try to manipulate others’ perceptions and expectations?
  • Why do their judgements matter to me? What am I afraid of?
  • What do I fear would happen if others saw the reality of me?

Approaching the deepest level you may need outside help in the form of a counsellor, therapist or at least a close friend:

  • Where does this fear of being inadequate come from?
  • How was I hurt?
  • Can I let it go?

Insight in itself will not remove the self-deprecation. By the time you reached adulthood, the neural pathways underlying this defensive pattern were pretty well established in the brain. Nevertheless, the brain is plastic, malleable, reconfigurable. Just as you can become more aware of self-deprecation through self-observation and self-enquiry, so too you can gain more control over it through using that awareness and by exercising choice in the moment.

  • Whenever I am tempted to run myself down before I’ve even done anything, I will now be more willing to let my results speak for themselves.
  • Realistically, I now know that even if I am judged as less than adequate, that will not kill me. It need not even hurt me. I shall pay far less attention to others’ expectations and judgements.

Another way to handle a chief feature is to “slide” to the positive pole of its opposite. In the case of self-deprecation, if you are getting caught in the negative pole of self-abasement (self-inflicted humiliation and degradation), you can re-balance yourself using the positive pole of arrogance, namely pride. In other words,  pay attention to things that make you feel truly proud of yourself. Better still, do things that make you feel truly proud.

Notes

[1] http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/self-deprecation

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-deprecation

[3] http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/self-deprecating

Further Reading

Transforming Your Dragons

For an excellent book about the various negative patterns and how to handle them, see Transforming Your Dragons by José Stevens.

The 7 archetypes of fear - cover

Another great book about the seven character flaws, recently translated from the original German: The Seven Archetypes of Fear, by Varda Hasselmann and Frank Schmolke.

The Seven Chief Features

Self-Deprecation | Self-Destruction | Martyrdom

| Stubbornness |

Greed | Arrogance | Impatience

PersonalitySpirituality.net

178 Responses to “Self-Deprecation”


  1. 1 barry 26 Apr 2015 at 12:03 pm

    Not sure if I should say “you’re very welcome” or “I’m sorry about that” 🙂
    Thanks Tim
    B

  2. 2 Jessica 22 Jun 2015 at 7:12 am

    I have been through 2 failed marriages both very different an both exes had there own ways of making me feel inadequate both were abusive in some way now that I am married for the third time and to a very wonderful man who I never feel I deserve I always feel like he can do so much better than me, I always tells me and everyone else what a wonderful wife I am and that he is very lucky to have me but I just tell him he can do better. I have always said I was just humble but now I think it is more than that

  3. 3 pervypirate 22 Jun 2015 at 9:05 am

    I read somewhere that Old Souls often choose this Chief Feature, anyone have an idea as to why?

  4. 4 Jin 04 Jul 2015 at 3:53 pm

    This post actually made me cry. I feel so hopelessly trapped in this cycle. Its overwhelming

  5. 5 barry 04 Jul 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Cry. Crying can be healing.

  6. 6 Robi 05 Jul 2015 at 12:54 pm

    The internal mantra “I am safe” helps defuse this energy.
    As does remembering that each life cycle comes with its own lessons.
    An education brings much insight and encouragement; Ageless Wisdom is given in limitless forms. See: The Michael Teachings, Alice A Bailey, etc.
    A psychologist takes one to a certain point, then one must dig deeper on their own. Each will find what is right for him/her. And, yes, parts of the Path are with great struggle as well as great reward.
    Self-dep remains part of my make up, yet it rarely rarely over powers me at this stage due to the inner work done as a result of pursuing an Ageless Wisdom education.
    In companionship ….

  7. 7 Liz 10 Jul 2015 at 5:36 pm

    This makes so much sense to me…..for my whole life I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me, why I can never manage to do any of the things in life that I know I want. I’ve always had issues holding on to relationships….I’ve had so many guys tell me how annoying i am because I subtly put myself down constantly. I always just called myself a worrier, but I knew that that description was never adequate, nobody would understand how I actually feel about myself, and that my whole perception of the world had to be different from that of the average joe. I am 18 years old and I feel about forty. I grew up in a house of hoarders who never wanted to take responsibility for their own messes, and younger siblings who I took care of and cleaned up after the best I could. My parents were too lazy to get real jobs so they scrapped metal for pot money and lived off the state for the rest, and I had to help with that too. If I messed up, I got called a lazy brat and a retard. Every day at a young age I tried my hardest to make them happy and achieve clean house, which both proved impossible. As an adult, I know that the messed up way I grew up is the root of my issues, which are socially crippling to me, but I can never manage to relax or just believe for once that I’m worth more than an afterthought. I try to tell myself that my fears and doubts are irrational and to just get over it, stop thinking all the time and just chill and be happy for once! But I found that I don’t know how to do that. All I want is to feel like I’m not an outcast. To live my life and not care so much. I just want to know what it’s like to be truly internally happy with myself but I feel like I’m the biggest screwup that was ever born, and nobody should waste their time caring about me because there’s nothing there anyway. Should I seek help or is there an easier way to overcome these things?

  8. 8 abhijeet 16 Jul 2015 at 3:06 am

    I feel I am not good enough & whatever I Will

    Do will be wrong & can’t understand on first time

  9. 9 J 22 Jul 2015 at 10:41 am

    I could’ve written your response precisely as you did, but it would be me describing me. I’m a listener and have heard others say similar things about themselves. Seems many are stuck in this struggle of esteeming ourselves less and others more than ourselves.

  10. 10 Ally 27 Jul 2015 at 3:00 am

    Hello hello!
    My biggest fear is inadequacy, and I think my chief trait is self depreciation (not sure! Like you said, it’s hard to tell). But instead of belittling myself and my work to others, I only ever belittle myself to myself, if that makes sense… So I’m always telling myself that people will scrutinize my work or how I look or my personality, but instead of giving up or not trying, I’m kind of a perfectionist, because I want my peers to see me as creative, smart, and bubbly. I also don’t really ever say the phrases in the misconceptions section… My thoughts are more like “if I weren’t so shy, then people would see the real me” or “I need this essay to be fantastic or people won’t think I’m smart enough” or “I have to look my best or nobody will like me or take me seriously”… Like if I’m good at something and care about it, I need to be really good at it before I show it to anyone, but I really like showing off work I’m proud of and I really like teaching things I’m interested in to other people. I like giving my opinion when I think it’s a good one, but if I don’t think I could add anything to a conversation, I don’t, because I can’t really handle people seeing any of my flaws. I really really care what people think of me, but instead of hiding myself away, I hide behind a face… I have a really hard time in social situations because I don’t want people to see through it…

    I read the section on arrogance and parts of it reign true for me, while the rest feel like the opposite of me… I wont let people see my innermost vulnerablities, (which is why I have my voice of self-depreciation and my perfectionist qualities) but I love poking fun at things I’m bad at: like singing or push-ups. I would never belittle anyone. Ever. But the childhood of arrogance hits home.

    Is it possible to have self depreciation as my primary and arrogance as my secondary (or vice versa) even if they’re opposites? Or do I have my traits wrong? Please help!

  11. 11 barry 27 Jul 2015 at 10:26 am

    I guess because it’s more to do with “why am I here?” and also the least likely to cause any harm (karma) to others.

  12. 12 Megan myers 10 Sep 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Stuart you are loved eternally by our great God and Father of our Lord Jesus. Look for him in your life and not the imaginary person you depend on, understandably so. Our earthly parents, and all who follow love imperfectly but God loves perfectly. As a child I had a cloak of invisibility. I’m still surprised when others notice me but I know now that Christ is the One who gives meaning to our lives. “The life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son if God who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20.

  13. 13 Sue Best 24 Oct 2015 at 3:31 pm

    How can l help someone who has thus condition?

  14. 14 Bob 26 Oct 2015 at 5:33 pm

    I read this article and it all rang true. I’ve always felt as though I was different from everyone else and rarely feel at ease in social situations. After some thinking (I do a lot of that) I came to the conclusion that it was due to being bullied pretty heavily throughout school and being depressed and borderline suicidal. I think being constantly told that I was inadequate has had an impact on me.

    I’m in university now and I have quite a few friends but I’ve always struggled to find relationships or connect with people on a deep level. I think this is due to always having my guard up, and like the article said, trying to stop people criticising me. I always feel like I am flying under the radar and never saying anything that might offend someone in case they might say something back to me.

    I have recently been looking into meditation and self esteem. I feel as though if you are suffering with this as I am, meditation will help you greatly. It will help you get in touch with reality as it has done for me. It helps you to let go of the story with which your ego is associated and built up through your life conditioning; experiences, relationships etc. And it helps you to let things go and become again as a child who sees the world through untainted eyes.

    I am still only a couple of days into meditation so I still have a long way to go but it has already started to benefit me so I thought as I was on this site I would recommend it and hopefully help other like minded people. —Sorry for rambling on—- I just wrote that and caught myself, apologising again!!

    Anyway give it a try and best of luck for the future!
    P.S: I highly recommend watching this eckhart tolle video, it will help you!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VauHIuyPwkM

  15. 15 barry 27 Oct 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Great, thanks Bob – and I fully agree about meditation; it enables you to gradually dis-identify from the false narrative. Also I would highly recommend enlightenment Intensives for a high powered process of dis-identification towards authentic self-realisation.

  16. 16 Shari 28 Oct 2015 at 1:58 pm

    I have been in two relationships with self depricators. In both instances they did it to get positive attention from me. I feel I have to say “Oh no, you’re not a bad person”. From my observations I agree with the article, but I notice that this behavior of “self deprecating to gain positive comments” not been mentioned. Being with the self depricator can be exhausting, because I am constantly put into the corner of needing to give them praise, and if I don’t, I then feed I to their feeling of worthlessness.

  17. 17 Claire-Kate 27 Dec 2015 at 9:14 pm

    I’m just now realizing that this is almost a perfect description of my personality. I’ve always been this way, yet reading this makes me think, “oh, wow… this is a bad thing? I thought that was normal.”

    Quite simply, I just really don’t see myself as anything special. If people try to compliment me on “talents” I have (if you can even call them that) such as being able to play the piano, or allegedly being able to draw well, I have to just force myself to smile and thank them. I actually used to lecture people and give them a list of reaons on why they are wrong, because I simply can’t stand the feeling of being lied to or told something out of pity. And if they denied that, I would begin arguing with them, trying to get them to see I am obviously a really pathetic person.

    Even being asked out or flirted with makes me excruciatingly uncomfortable, because I cannot see why they would do so. Several times, I’ve kind of repelled people by stuttering out questions, asking them why they would ever want to date me. Did someone ask them to do this? Or maybe they’ve mistaken me for someone else. Maybe they associated certain behaviors with the wrong person. It seems probable to me…

    It’s actually sort of a running gag among my friends that 90% of my humor is self-deprecating, and that the only way I will know how to console you is to tell you to compare yourself to me. You’ll seem a lot better by comparison, and that’s worth something, right?

    I used to arrouse quite a bit of concern from family and friends, because my tactics of self-deprecation would sometimes border of violent. When met with failure, I occassionally would state things like, “A useless person like me should just die already, if they can’t even perform a simple task.” I also highly doubt my attempts at diffusing the previous statements helped when I would follow them up with things like, “I’m just kidding! Other people have much sadder lives than me, so I’m not even worthy of killing myself! I don’t deserve suicide, so it’s okay – nothing will happen!”

    As to where this behavior comes from, I would guess possibly from results of mental illness. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at about 7 years old, and then later with Tourette Syndrome at around 15. Because of this, I had severe issues socializing with people due to anxiety, and was frequently teased for my socially-awkward behavior. There’s also the factor that people often avoided me in highschool, because quite a few of them were probably a little afraid of me or just weirded out in general, due to the fact that I would occassionally have panic attacks where I would pretty much just shut down and cry. I couldn’t help if it was in a public or crowded place, and a randomly hyperventalating, crying girl typically isn’t the most comfotrable thing to most people.

    Currently, I am in my junior year of college, and would like to improve this little flaw of mine before I end up an insecure and anti-social individual for life, but it’s been really difficult. I’ve unsuccessfully tried a few times to fix myself, yet it usually results in failure, and I’ll revert right back to my usual self. Although I’m typically not surprised, because I expected myself to fail from the start…

  18. 18 Doc Martini 03 Jan 2016 at 4:02 am

    One thing I see unexamined often in posts across many sites that deal with the psychology and personality is this: the self-depricating individual who is neither humble or arrogant but, due to the deep-seated resentments they have as a result of constant negative feedback as children becomes “over the top”. The people-pleasers. Those who become the life of the party, not by devaluing themselves more, but by attention seeking via extraordinary means to get a ” laugh”, sometimes at the expense of others. They are often identified by others as veering into the self-righteous spectrum, which seems counterintuitive to the definition of deprication overall. Too often, the self-loather is characterized as an introvert who would rather hide than have someone notice them. There are self-loathing individuals who are extroverts, who purposely inject themselves into conversations and situations in order to attempt to “feel better” about themselves. Why the psycho-social community ignores these people in their observances on this topic seem strange to some degree. Is the goal not to help those who self-depricate to be able to identify; and if so, why are all the possible responses to these negative thought processes not being addressed? Your thoughts are welcome.

  19. 19 barry 07 Jan 2016 at 1:42 pm

    I do agree with you, and it’s something I intend to address soon by adding to the main text.

    All of the chief features (character flaws) can manifest in different ways according to the rest of the individual’s character. In particular, “centering” comes into play. Some people are feeling-centered (emotional, sensitive), some are thinking-centered (intellectual, verbal), some are moving-centered (dynamic, active, energetic). Wen it comes to Self-Deprecation we can see these three sub-types:

    – Emotional self-deprecation: Feeling-centered people are less interactive than the rest; life isn’t something they DO, so much as it’s what happens TO them and AFFECTS them. With self-deprecation, such people tend to be shy, silent, self-hiding wallflowers. They try to disappear from view so as not to attract attention, which they FEEL is bound to be negative due to their supposed obvious inadequacy.

    – Intellectual self-deprecation: Thinking-centered people have an active rational mind and tend to be very interactive verbally. Life isn’t simply what happens but neither it it something they DO exactly. Instead, life is something they constantly negotiate and make sense of through dialogue with others. With self-deprecation, such people tend to be openly agreeable – in fact hyper-agreeable – as a way to stay in “the conversation” despite their sense of inadequacy. The thing they most want to avoid is others’ expressions of negative judgement and criticalness, so they work hard at maintaining a veneer of likability. It’s a bit like ingratiation, the negative pole of the goal of Acceptance. These are the people-pleasers.

    – Physical self-deprecation: Moving-centered people have a kinetic way of being – life is a process of DOING, making things happen by always being on the move. With self-deprecation, such people actively strive for perfection as a cover-up for their supposed inadequacy. In other words, they over-compensate by trying to demonstrate extreme competence at everything – working through the night, over-delivering on projects, hoping that “results speak for themselves” and that their great results will distract attention from their own inabilities.

    I’ll copy the above into the main text at some point. There’s a lot more to be said on these, not just for self-deprecation but all the other negative features as well, and I feel quite inspired to do so, so thanks.

  20. 20 Cris 29 Jan 2016 at 2:07 am

    I find myself in some of these descriptions, but not all. For me, the greatest problem is fear: fear that they will see that i am not as good as i should be; fear that they will discover or think that i am just a child (i am 37 but until very recently when i am in public i felt like a child); fear that they will see that i can’t/don’t know how to interact with them and that i am weird (and i really can’t interact with them in smalltalk, since i find these subjects so absolutely uninteresting and alientaing from true substance and true communication); fear that they will never respect or listen to me; fear that once they see i am weak they will attack me.
    Of course childhood can be blamed for this paralysing fear. But what i would like to know is if there are any strategies of breaking free from this fear, of breaking the wall. Now i rationally see this as a parasite feeling, like a phobia of needles (i have that too lol), something you can’t control and strikes in when the stimuli are there. Lately i’ve been trying to act as if i don’t see how they perceive me or to accept their perception as rightful. I am werid and a social freak, as I’ve been told. I am trying to force myself to participate in small talk and even to speak in a group without being asked. If i didn’t have this fear, i know that i could do all these normally. I think i need recognition and maybe a job with authority, so that i can see that peolpe can respect and listen to me.
    Anyway, if you have any suggestions on how to overcome this, please share.

  21. 21 SomeRandomAnimeFan 28 Apr 2016 at 12:37 am

    Well, to start things off, my traumatic experience was my dad committing suicide two years ago when I was 13. In the middle of a very sad divorce between him and my mother. Needless to say, it sent shockwaves through me. From then on out, things went downhill, especially with the relationship between me and my mother. She was a hypocrite, and constantly left the house to go on trips with her boyfriend she got together with after divorcing Dad. She didn’t care about my sister and me, and when she actually noticed our existences, she would demand that we respect her more and that she’s the best thing since sliced bread, making awful assumptions that are ALWAYS wrong yet she constantly thinks they’re fact. Now these days, we don’t even talk unless she tells me to do chores. That’s it. And from that, I just felt like my own mother wishes I was gone so that she could be by herself with her boyfriend with no interruptions. So, if my dad just decided to straight up ABANDON me and my family, and if my own MOTHER doesn’t even pretend to care about me half of the time, how can anyone else love me? I just ask myself, why WOULD anyone like me? Sure, I’m pretty nice and I try to be an optimist and I like to talk and share stories, but it’s not enough to keep anyone for lifetime when all I can think to myself is, “They’re just going to leave me, so what’s the point?”

    So, you can also kinda begin to see my views about love. I just don’t think it’s out there. At least, not for me. Every relationship has to come to an end, there’s no question to it. Even if I come across the happiest couple who lived together for who-knows-how-long, I still say to myself, “It’s going to end. It ALWAYS ends.” This does stem more from the divorce rather than my mother, but it’s still there. My cynicism on love just goes through the roof sometimes. I mean, I’d love to have a relationship, but what’s the point if we’ll just break up and the experience will leave me to move on all over again? The very thought of that just makes me want to disappear and move on to another life where these problems don’t exist.

    Now these days, I can’t see a whole lot of good in myself. I have had multiple people compliment me and say that I’m pretty, but I always brush it off and think that they’re not serious or that they’re just being WAY too polite. I love drawing, and while I am decent at it, whenever a friend of mine gushes over my work, I IMMEDIATELY point out a million small flaws in it. When I write and my TEACHER gushes over my work, I just look at my words and think they’re stupid and childish. I freak out over one dumb error.

    I don’t know, it’s not like I can really talk to anyone about it because they’ll just brush it off as ‘teenage hormones’. I just feel like it’s more than that, you know? Sometimes I even question if my counselor takes me seriously. I just feel isolated from the people around me when I feel like this, and I even doubt myself plenty of times, always worrying that it’s just something stupid. Any advice? It’s not like I can really leave the house, seeing as I’m under 18…

  22. 22 Ivan Schneider 18 May 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Belittling yourself is good. It makes you humble and shrinks your ego.

  23. 23 barry 18 May 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Shrinking an over-sized ego with a sense of humility is fine. Belittling yourself isn’t the way to authentic humility, however. Humility is being mindful of one’s ordinariness and and accepting that.


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Enlightenment Intensives

A way to discover who you really are.

Enlightenment Intensives offer a short (3 days) but intensive way to experience that which is known as self-realization -- the direct experience of one's true self or true nature.

There are no teachings, no cults, and no gurus. Just a beautifully facilitated process of seeking one's own truth in a group setting.

If you sincerely want to know who you really are, the Enlightenment Intensive process is highly recommended.

Further information

We (Barry + Emma) run Enlightenment Intensives in England:

...but there are others happening all over the world. To find out more, see:

a d v e r t i s e m e n t

Recommended book

Spiritual Turning Points

Amazon link

Victoria Marina-Tompkins

Xlibris, Corp. (January 25, 2011)

Spiritual Turning Points : A Metaphysical Perspective of the Seven Life Transitions ... From birth to death through the lens of the Michael Teachings, Shamanism and Astrology.

Amazon: Spiritual Turning Points

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You can email me here.

a d v e r t i s e m e n t

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