Meditation

A spontaneous enlightenment experience

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23 October 2008

Thursday afternoon, after work, I was sitting on the train as usual and decided to meditate. I do this quite often on the train but sometimes it just doesn’t work, either because it’s too crowded and noisy or because my head isn’t quite right. This time, however, it went very well—somehow I got everything “right”.

I was expecting to move gently into my usual blissful space but evidently I somehow went a step further. All I can remember doing differently was taking the technique to the limit, allowing the flow to the max, saying to myself something like “What if I let go of all resistance, totally? What if I could be a completely allowing being? What if, right now, my whole body and mind could be in perfect alignment with this flow of energy?”

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Insight into body state and self-critical attitude

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10 December 2007

My meditation has been up and down, the downs essentially being due to life disruptions causing me to occasionally miss my daily slot. (The main disruption being the fact that we have moved house.)

Whenever I miss meditation, even just for a day, it seems to take up to a week to get back where I was. Tonight was an odd one in that I first moved the chair I use into a different position in the room … and then spent the next half hour not quite feeling right.

There have, however, been some extremely deep and fulfilling meditations of late. Typically, I feel the great ‘hum’ of my being – my body and mind seem to fall into a natural resonance with this core hum – and it feels quite exquisitely peaceful and blissful.

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Meditation as a dialogue

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2 October 2007

I have been gradually moving away from that difficult place I mentioned back towards more expanded and blissful states.

One of the fascinating aspects of meditation is the way the very process of meditating somehow teaches you about meditation. I get into a kind of dialogue with “the spirit of meditation” in that I ask myself, or the universe, what needs to happen in me in order for me to become more at one, more in alignment, more open, more at peace, and so on. The answer is an intuitive sense of how better to focus my intention or open my awareness.

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One good meditation

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20 September 2007

A few days ago I was feeling a bit grotty and achy. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while and let my body get its energy back.

Yesterday I was feeling physically much better, though by the end of the day I had niggling back pain and was feeling impatient for a rest. So I wasn’t expecting much out of my evening meditation other than a bit of relaxation. But it turned into one of the most extraordinary meditations I’ve ever had.

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Highs and flat periods

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18 August 2007

Over the last year I have had long phases of being more or less constantly high, alternating with shorter phases of feeling flat and occasionally rough, grouchy and irritable.

My highs are characterised by a wonderful sensation of being charged up internally, as though my cells were all magnetised into alignment. This sense of alignment is particularly marked in my head and face – my skin is stretched smooth, my nerves seem to be tingling with light, and in the vertical core of my entire upper body there seemed to be a constant, exquisite glow.

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Ups and downs

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18 October 2006

I’ve read the second abraham book (The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intention) and am nearly finished the third, which I discovered hot off the press at Amazon (The Art of Allowing). Over the last couple of weeks I have found myself going from ecstatic and blissful states into more of a kind of contented steady state, with some occasional grumpiness intruding. In reading through the third book, however, I feel more in control of my states.

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“Getting” what I want

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23 September 2006

My energy is still great as a result of meditating and allowing – I mean, really great. I am going through the day in a generally uplifted feeling – with occasional dips of course, but my centre of gravity is hopeful and rising.

I have found that I can easily open up and allow, accepting the energy flowing through me, but I have not been so diligent in focusing on desires. What I find is that as soon as I focus on, say, prosperity, I get distracted by the things I’m ‘overlooking’, i.e. the other things I could be focusing on such as work or admin.

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More insights

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11 September 2006

I discovered yesterday that I have an underlying feeling of pessimism about my desires coming true. It’s a belief or expectation that it would be a bad move to have my desires met.

I contemplated this during my meditation and got that it relates to certain experiences in my youth when I felt humiliated. In one case it was about a girlfriend, in another it was about going to university. In both cases my desires had come true, but then after a while there had been a rotten, humiliating outcome. I think I got the impression that having my desires come true was just a route to humiliation, and I explained this to myself by deciding that “my desires are silly” and not worthy of fruition.

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Good vibrations

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9 September 2006

Thanks to my meditation (see Meditation Journal post: Ask And It Is Given) I have been having excellent ‘vibrational’ states – I can feel energy in me surging, throbbing, glowing. I wake up in the morning feeling soothed after a restful night rather than grouchy and sore.

I have been alternating between focusing on desires and allowing better feelings. It’s great!

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