Arrogance is one of the seven basic character flaws or negative personality traits. We all have the potential for arrogant tendencies, but if they become an enduring, dominant pattern then one is said to have a “chief feature of arrogance”.
What is arrogance?
Arrogance means “bigging yourself up”—whether publicly or just inside your own mind. Often it involves knocking others down at the same time.
It is generally defined as:
The act or habit of … making undue claims in an overbearing manner;
that species of pride which consists in exorbitant claims of rank, dignity, estimation, or power, or which exalts the worth or importance of the person to an undue degree;
proud contempt of others. [1]
Other names for arrogance are: egotism, conceit, grandiosity, and self-importance.
Ancient Greek literature refers to hubris, a form of arrogance in which a person thinks himself to be higher in status than other ordinary mortals. In other words, a god.
As with the opposite chief feature of self-deprecation, arrogance is a way of manipulating others’ perceptions of yourself in order to avoid taking a “hit” to your self-esteem. In this case, however, the basic strategy is to get others to see you as special, perfect or flawless — diverting attention from your ordinary imperfections, weaknesses and failings — and thereby keeping your self-esteem artificially inflated.
Components of arrogance
Like all chief features, arrogance involves the following components:
- Early negative experiences
- Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others
- A constant fear and sense of insecurity
- A maladaptive strategy to protect the self
- A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood
Early Negative Experiences
In the case of arrogance, the early negative experiences typically consist of disapproval or outright criticism from significant others, especially the parents but also siblings and others.
All infants are born with a natural desire for love, care and attention. Ideally, these are readily available and given unconditionally. Generally, though, life is imperfect and young children experience some degree of harshness or deprivation in their upbringing.
An infant believes the world revolves around him. It’s all about me. This is quite normal, and the average child will move beyond that stage by recognizing that they are a part of a family, that there are others in the world, and that it is better to consider what others want rather than be completely self-centered.
In some cases, though, a child can get stuck in needing to put me first. Sometimes, a child’s ability to receive love, care, attention, etc. has to be competed for and is conditional upon her being a certain way and/or not being some other way. Alternatively, she may receive equal measures of love and antagonism, or care and neglect, or attention and abandonment. She will then want to figure out which aspects of herself trigger which reactions.
Perhaps the most typical scenario is one of sibling rivalry, where the children must compete for the parents’ attention, approval and affection. Children in this kind of set-up soon realise that the rewards and punishments given out by their parents are a direct result of how the parents perceive their children—and those perceptions can be manipulated.
The way to compete, then, is to manipulate the parents’ perceptions by highlighting or exaggerating the other kids’ faults while apparently being “the good one”.
All of this, of course, is a very common childhood experience—which is why arrogance is a very common character flaw.
Misconceptions
From such experiences of competition, disapproval and conditional love, the child comes to perceive her well-being as dependent upon others’ perceptions:
My well-being in life depends upon how others see me.
Fear
As a result of this misconception, the child becomes gripped by an entrenched fear of her vulnerability to negative perceptions—
Being vulnerable to any kind of criticism or disapproval is bad for me.
Any perceived weakness, failing or imperfection in me is contemptible and unacceptable.
If I show any of my real weaknesses, failings or imperfections, it could be disastrous.
Hence, showing vulnerability in the eyes of others becomes unacceptable and frightening.
Strategy
The basic strategy for coping with this fear of vulnerability to others’ perceptions is to manipulate others’ perceptions—to ensure that there is never anything for them to disapprove of or criticise.
I must draw attention only to my winning qualities.I must never show my real self, which I know to be imperfect and weak and flawed.
I must always appear to be “better” in some way than my rivals.
- drawing attention to and exaggerating one’s own strengths, successes and specialness while diminishing, hiding and denying one’s own weaknesses, failings and ordinariness;
- drawing attention to and exaggerating others’ weaknesses, failings and ordinariness while diminishing, hiding and denying their strengths, successes and specialness.
The most primitive form of this is blatant, shameless boastfulness combined with outright derision of others to their faces. “I’m better than you, so there.” The individual hopes that if she says it often enough the world will just agree and there will be no more competition. This is impossible, of course.
Persona
It is unacceptable to be too obviously arrogant and manipulative in most adult settings. Just going around bragging is “against the rules” in most social circles — though a number of rap artists make a good living out of expressing this form of arrogance.
A more subtle form of the arrogance strategy is to point to evidence which, hopefully, will lead others to reach the right conclusion by themselves. Hence the chief feature of arrogance puts on a mask which quietly says to the world, “I’m not being arrogant. I’m not saying I’m better than you. It’s just that…” Arrogance keeps up the same message, typically by telling true stories which indirectly convey yet more evidence of one’s own specialness and wonderfulness. “I’ve had such a hard day! Silly people won’t stop calling me just to say how much they like my new book.”
There is no better lie than a lie based on truth. The mask of arrogance likes to surround itself with “truths” which reinforce the image of invulnerability.
And if the individual should find himself in an actual position of superior status or power, the chief feature goes to town. In his book The Hubris Syndrome: Bush, Blair and the Intoxication of Power the British politician David Owen argues that President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair developed a “Hubristic Syndrome” while in power, particularly in their handling of the Iraq War.
All people are capable of this kind of behaviour. When it dominates the personality, however, one is said to have a chief feature of arrogance.
Positive and Negative Poles
Arrogance, like all character flaws, is inherently negative. Nevertheless, it still has the potential for a positive outcome.
The positive outcome of arrogance is PRIDE, while the more negative outcomes can be referred to as VANITY.
+ pride +
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ARROGANCE
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– vanity –
Pride is a state of self-esteem and perceived self-worth which may or may not be exaggerated. Ideally, it is a state in which you recognise your own good qualities in their own right, rather than exaggerating your good qualities to mask or deny your vulnerabilities.
The development of positive self-esteem must focus on lasting and enduring qualities. It must consider uniqueness as opposed to specialness.
Carolyn Warnemuende, Self-esteem or narcissism?
Vanity is a state of excessive, unjustified pride—an irrational belief in one’s own superior abilities or attractiveness in the eyes of others. It is synonymous with egotism and narcissism—it is what happens when you fall for your own lie.
In Biblical terms, vanity was often symbolized by the Whore of Babylon. During the Renaissance, vanity was represented as a naked woman combing her hair in front of a mirror held by a demon or cherub. An alternative symbol of preening vanity is the peacock.
The term vanity originates from the Latin word vanitas meaning emptiness, untruthfulness, futility, foolishness. The phrase Omnia Vanitas (“All is Vanity”) refers to the ultimate futility of our self-centered efforts in this world. This aspect of vanity (as the displacement of spiritual concerns with material concerns) is often symbolized in art by the image of a skull.
… unhealthy self-esteem, as in narcissism, refers to insensitivity to others, with excessive preoccupation with the self and one’s own image and appearance in the eyes of others.
Dr. Lilian Katz (Distinctions between Self-Esteem and Narcissism)
While most people possess some degree of narcissistic traits, extreme levels of narcissism can be dysfunctional and may be classified as narcissistic personality disorder.
See also my blog post: Are narcissists as attractive as they believe?
Note
[1] http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/arrogance
Further Reading
There is some brilliant material from Michael on arrogance via Karen Murphey. See this two-part transcript:
These really go into the subtleties of how arrogance manifests, and give some exercises for dealing with it.
For an excellent book about all the chief features and how to handle them, including arrogance, see Transforming Your Dragons by José Stevens.
Just wanted to post the correct Arrogance link, I found it: http://www.polarisrising.com/Forum/Michael-Teachings/146-Arrogance-The-Fear-of-Vulnerability.html
Ah, thanks Brian
Wait — that links only to a discussion about the article. The article itself — and, I note, all other links to Michael material — appear to have been taken down. Strange………..
Hi Barry, though I see now that it’s just comments on the article…the actual article link seems to still be missing. Sorry. Love this site.
Aha – the material channelled by Karen Murphy has moved to a different site. See http://lightworkers.org/node/38089
I have update the links above in the article.
For some reason Prince – that musician, is allowed to behave the way he does. He must be really good or something…he might be adored or a bit spoiled or just compensated for his efforts.
He is certainly talented. I suspect a lot of famous artists have an exalted self-image that seems (to them) to be confirmed by their talent and success, so it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If success is what you’re after, arrogance isn’t so bad! But it does get in the way of other things like authenticity, intimacy, etc.
is it possible for a person to have arrogance in the childhood, early stage of adolescence(having the same fear as what you’ve stated above) and end up with self-depreciating(low self esteem, afraid to show adequacy, disbelieve and avoid being praise, love to suprise others with adequacy) with some amount of arrogance(still cares about how others percieve him or her, sometimes still believe he or she is better than other colleagues when they’ve achieve something) in the late stage of adolescence, pre-adult stage?
Does failure in one’s life changes these?
Yes, certainly. A child might show an early habit of attention-seeking and self-importance, for example (“Look at me everyone”). At such a young age, though, it isn’t used as a secret ploy to avoid anxiety as it might be in adolescence/adulthood; rather, it is simply a habit. It could develop into full-blown arrogance later on, if the person feels the fear of vulnerability and decides they need to control how they come across to others. On the other hand, the same child might have different types of harsh, negative experiences as they grow up, such as failure, (whether at school, in relationships, whatever). And this would trigger the primal fear of being a born failure (inadequate), and of being seen as such. It’s also possible for both to happen – to end up with both arrogance and aelf-deprecation. In that case, one pattern would be more outwardly expressed and the other would be more inwardly felt.
(I hope that makes sense!)
Barry
Well, what does it mean about we who choose these arrogant types as partners? Looking back…two former husbands, and now engaged to one who seems to fall into the Pack..what does it say about me who is attracted to these types and later sees,it for what it is ?
Hi Cindy
One of the things that attracts us to certain others is that they possess something we feel that we lack — or, rather, they are in touch with something in themselves that we are overlooking or even denying within ourselves: power, love, beauty, intelligence, etc. Sometimes it’s simply a case of opposites attract, but sometimes it’s a way of not taking responsibility for our own weak points. For example, if we have been brought up to be totally selfless and always putting others first, we might be drawn to someone who seems really selfish. Either we hope a bit of it will “rub off”, or possibly it is a kind of displacement — if *they* have it, we can forget about its absence within ourselves.
Another possibility in strange attractions is that we are subconsciously continuing an argument with, say, one of our parents or possibly one of our siblings. We see something in another person that reminds us of, say, our father, and we feel drawn to them because we have unfinished business with dad — we still feel upset about his unreasonableness, or we want to prove him wrong. In this case, the partner we are attracted to is unwittingly playing a role in our own mental drama.
In the case of being attracted to arrogant men, these are all possibilities and I can’t say which if any applies. Again, it could simply be a case of opposites attract (are you quite self-effacing?. Or, it could be that perhaps you are not in touch with a sense of pride within yourself. Or it could be that you have an ongoing drama with someone earlier in your life who was massively arrogant, vain, or narcissistic, and you are casting these men in that same role to give you a character to react against.
These are just possibilities, but it might be worth your while exploring them to see if anything “chimes”.
Barry
I have been involved in three long-term relationships and can verify that men are conditioned, through our social institutions, to feel a sense of entitlement. Lundy Bancroft’s book, ‘Why Does He Do That:Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men’ is the best book I have ever read as it defines what ails mankind. Bancroft calls it misogyny and he is absolutely correct. There is a real lack of sharing and equality on Earth so most intimate relationships have no foundation of balance.
I have studied Astrology for 12 years, and have ongoing experiences with Guides and other beings that have helped me to remember who I truly am, and can say, without a doubt in my mind, that we are all pure energy and incarnate for the purpose of spiritual evolution. We carry over, from lifetime to lifetime, certain infantile or negative personality traits that are to be diligently worked on, but, when one is born into a a world that has a warped value system it makes it all the more difficult for a person to positively express their true nature. I do not want to make it sound as though we have only negative traits. To the contrary, we have positive traits as well coupled with inner wisdom but these traits can be subdued by the channeling of energy. What I mean is that those who are in postions of power and influence can direct our energy to suit their intentions or negative desires.
In a world that values the physical and material aspect of living above caring, sharing, compassion and empathy then arrogance and narcissism become the prominent features of such a negative society.
We are under the influence of a massive spiritual deception here on Earth by those we have either placed in power or supported with our time, money and energy. We must move away from this current society as it has no intrinsic value to anyone.
I shared your article on James Tracy’s blog as it is much needed at this time of entropy. Thank you for the illumination that you provide for your fellow traveler.
In Gratitude,
Jamie
Many thanks, Jamie.
B
i love myself
I love myself I am fantastic, call it what you will
Ok, I’ll call it … Refreshingly honest